'Girls' Recap: Everyone Hates Everyone at the "Beach House"

This week on Girls, the titular ladies headed to the Hamptons to party at Marnie's family friend's beach house. Or so they thought. In typical Marnie fashion, the trip wasn't really about fun so much as it was about meticulously planning everyone's behavior and reactions and then going off the handle when everyone involved doesn't follow the script in her head. The set up for "Beach House" is pretty simple: Marnie plans epic girly weekend of bonding and love. Other girls are meh on the whole idea. Hannah run into Elijah invites him and his group of gays to join the party. Everything explodes. Finally the girls learn what we already know: None of them ever change.

Let's play a little game of expectation vs. reality, where the expectations are all Marnie's and the reality sucks for everyone.

Expectation: Everyone will fight over the best room, but will be happy to see their assigned-by-Marnie rooms.

Reality: Everyone fights over the good room. Shoshanna is happy because she gets the good room. Jessa is happy to be sleeping in a lighthouse because she's Jessa and Hannah is made miserable by the prospect of being even Marnie-adjacent for the whole weekend.

Expectation: Everyone will love the beach and will frolic like characters in a herpes medication commercial.

Reality: It's cold and windy and no one really wants to be at the beach.

Expectation: Everyone will shop together for dinner and snacks for the weekend.

Reality: Hannah insists on wearing her bikini and no shoes to the store because she thinks that's how things are in beach towns. She's not allowed into the grocery and runs into Elijah and his friends while waiting outside. She has the honest moment of reconnection with him that Marnie wants to have.

Expectation: It will be a girls only weekend at the Hamptons house.

Reality: Four gay men join the party.

Expectation: These men will at least leave by dinner.

Reality: They don't leave by dinner.

Expectation: There will be four people at dinner.

Reality: There are eight people at dinner, which becomes a "lean cuisine" snack-sized meal.

Expectation: If people insist on ruining a weekend and learning off-Broadway choreography, they will a least want to do it over and over until it's performance-ready perfect.

Reality: Lol. No.

Expectation: The girls will air out their differences over an intimate dinner and be respectful and closer to one another after everything is out in the open.

Reality: Hannah admits that none of them have really enjoyed hanging out for the last two years. Marnie admits that Hannah constantly disappoints her. Hannah says Marnie should lower her expectations, then throws in that she doesn't expect anything of any of her "friends." Shoshanna is a bad ass and lays it all out and says she doesn't really like any of her friends and that, if she didn't suffer from social anxiety, maybe she could make some real friends. She points out that they treat her like a cab driver and have conversations around her without including her. Jessa points out that Shosh is a cruel drunk. It's all awful and all true.

Just when it seems like the friendships are all over, we end on a shot of them silently doing their almost-awesome choreography at the bus stop and, well, it seems like they aren't quite done with each other yet.

Image: HBO