We’re a mere month away from the day that Taco Bell launches its new breakfast menu nationwide — and that means that we’re about to come face to face with our worst breakfast nightmare: The Waffle Taco. Taco Bell’s answer to the Egg McMuffin, it consists of egg and sausage stuffed into a taco shell-shaped waffle…to which all I can say is this: WHAT IS THIS MONSTROSITY?!
In an effort to deal with my paralyzing fear of this strange and horrifying creation, I’ve delved deep into the vaults that hold all our worst fast food failures. The results? A list of 10 other edible monstrosities, most of which have since seen their (blessed) demise There is hope! The Waffle Taco won’t last forever, thank goodness.
Image: Taco Bell
Mountain Dew A.M.
The waffle taco is not Taco Bell’s first foray into
breakfast options; they also serve this wacky drink they call Mountain Dew A.M.
It’s essentially a mimosa, except that they’ve taken out the good part
(champagne) and substituted it with Mountain Dew. Um…I’ll pass.
Image: Taco Bell/Mountain Dew Wiki. Yes, there is a Wiki devoted solely to Mountain Dew.
The Double Down
Remember this thing from KFC? A sandwich with two pieces of
fried chicken swapped in for the bread, it’s pretty much a heart attack waiting to
The Hula Burger
this creation from McDonald’s would consist of a burger topped with a slice of
pineapple, right? Wrong — there was no burger involved. Just pineapple and
cheese on a bun. Apparently it was meant for Catholics who couldn’t eat meat on
Fridays. It didn’t last long after its trial run in 1963, bless the Lord.
Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza
Back in 2012, Pizza Hut locations in the UK began selling a new type of stuffed crust pizza: Instead of being filled with cheese, it’s filled with a giant and likely disgusting hot dog. Shudder.
Image: Pizza Hut UK
Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich
I totally had this
idea way before Carl’s Jr. did. For
reals. I have photographic evidence. But ultimately, its lack of success comes down to
this: Why would you want Pop Tarts a la mode when you could have actual pie a
la mode instead?
Flaming Hot Doritos Quarter Pounder
Taco Bell isn’t the first fast food chain to integrate Doritos into its offerings. Mexican McDonald’s locations once offered
a quarter pounder topped with spicy Doritos, which doesn’t sound any more
appetizing to me than the Doritos Locos tacos do.
Image: McDonalds Mexico
Crown Crust Pizza
Another wacky international creation, this one comes to us
from Pizza Hut Middle East. And yes, it is exactly what it looks like: A pizza
with a crust made up of cheeseburgers.
Image: Pizza Hut Middle East
I think the lesson we can take from the number of McDonald’s
items on this list is that for every success that particular chain has, there
are at least ten disasters. If you’re going to get spaghetti, for the love all
that is holy, do not get it at
Image: McDonalds Philippines
The Darth Vader Burger
A Belgian fast food chain called Quick came up with this
nightmare in 2012 to celebrate the 3D re-release of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. The black bun is a result
of dye — but really: Who thought a burger bun that looks burnt to a crisp would
I still maintain that McRibs are monstrosities. If you have
to mold something into the shape of the thing it’s supposed to be…it is not
that thing. And is also, in fact, probably gross.
Japan’s fast food scene is notoriously nuts, and like these VIP offerings from the country’s McDonald’s outposts are topped with all sorts of insanities like pineapple, pepperoni, and something that looks suspiciously like blueberry jam.
Image: McDonald's Japan