A Beyoncé Soundboard Is Maybe The Most Useful Tool On The Internet

Source: Christopher Polk/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Ever find yourself at a loss for words? Tongue-tied? Too nervous to speak? Have no fear,  the Beyoncé soundboard is here. Soundboardt (oh my god. OH MY GOD. HAHAHAHAHA SO BRILLIANT) is a one-stop-shop for free Beyoncé sound bytes from her self-titled album. 

I can’t wait to use this the next time I get a phone call from a random solicitor. Usually, I will ignore the call and pretend like it never happened. The thought of talking to a stranger on the phone is too much for me. Oh, the anxiety! But thanks to Soundboardt, I will answer from here on out. The Soundboardt gives me strength. Here's how a Soundboart convo with an unsuspecting salesperson might go:

Caller: “Hello, Kristie?”
Kristie: “Say 'Heeeeey, Mrs. Carter.'”
C: “I’m sorry, is your last name Carter? We have it on file as ‘Rohwedder.’ We’ll have to update that. Anyway, I’m calling with—“
K:Gimme somethin’.”
C: “I beg your pardon?”
K:No, no, no, no.”
C: “I assure you, I won’t take too much of your time, I just wanted to let you know about—“
K: “Watermelon.”
C: “I’m sorry?”
K: “Bow down, bitches.”
C: “Ma’am, I’m not sure that language is necessary. I promise I will only be a moment. I’m with—“
K: “God damn, god damn, god damn!”
C: “Ms. Rohw— excuse me. Mrs. Carter, is it? Mrs. Carter, I apologize if I’ve said anything to offend you. I’m just trying to—“
K:Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
C: “I, um, I think I will let you go, Mrs. Carter. You have a good day.”
K:I woke up like this.”
C: “I don’t doubt it.”
K: “I cooked this meal for you naked.”
C: (Hangs up)

Okay, fine. I would never actually do this. I’m not Kevin McCallister. I'll do the polite thing and continue to send those calls straight to voicemail. 

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