Ever find yourself at a loss for words? Tongue-tied? Too nervous to speak? Have no fear, the Beyoncé soundboard is here. Soundboardt (oh my god. OH MY GOD. HAHAHAHAHA SO BRILLIANT) is a one-stop-shop for free Beyoncé sound bytes from her self-titled album.
I can’t wait to use this the next time I get a phone call from a random solicitor. Usually, I will ignore the call and pretend like it never happened. The thought of talking to a stranger on the phone is too much for me. Oh, the anxiety! But thanks to Soundboardt, I will answer from here on out. The Soundboardt gives me strength. Here's how a Soundboart convo with an unsuspecting salesperson might go:
Caller: “Hello, Kristie?”Kristie: “Say 'Heeeeey, Mrs. Carter.'”C: “I’m sorry, is your last name Carter? We have it on file as ‘Rohwedder.’ We’ll have to update that. Anyway, I’m calling with—“K: “Gimme somethin’.”C: “I beg your pardon?”K: “No, no, no, no.”C: “I assure you, I won’t take too much of your time, I just wanted to let you know about—“K: “Watermelon.”C: “I’m sorry?”K: “Bow down, bitches.”C: “Ma’am, I’m not sure that language is necessary. I promise I will only be a moment. I’m with—“K: “God damn, god damn, god damn!”C: “Ms. Rohw— excuse me. Mrs. Carter, is it? Mrs. Carter, I apologize if I’ve said anything to offend you. I’m just trying to—“K: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”C: “I, um, I think I will let you go, Mrs. Carter. You have a good day.”K: “I woke up like this.”C: “I don’t doubt it.”K: “I cooked this meal for you naked.”C: (Hangs up)
Okay, fine. I would never actually do this. I’m not Kevin McCallister. I'll do the polite thing and continue to send those calls straight to voicemail.