Making a great first impression can be tough, but by being interested in others and making interesting conversation, it's easy to draw people in and get them to like you. By being authentic and positive, you can set the mood for a newfound friendship or work relationship. By relying on ways to make people like you through your words, actions and gestures, you'll be able to attract others and leave a terrific lasting impression.
As a certified health coach, I work with people on expressing themselves better and acting optimistically in social situations. The ability to use words and gestures to attract others and develop relationships often comes easier to extroverts, those who can thrive in a crowd, share compelling stories and project a full, rich voice that can direct a conversation and bring humor and life to a party. However, introverts can still be charming and build relationships with a bit more effort and attention to detail regarding their words, facial expressions and tone.
Getting people to like you is all about your inner confidence and how best you are able to hold your own and own your presence. Here are eleven things to say to get people to like you and to develop sustainable relationships over time.
1. "Great shoes. Where did you get them?"
"I always find that the easiest way to have a positive interaction with a stranger is to pay them a compliment," says Chicago-based therapist, Chelsea Hudson, LCPC, over email correspondence with Bustle. By providing a small, casual compliment, you're able to open up the conversation and draw the person in towards liking you. People love receiving compliments, so it's a great way to get on strangers' good sides.
2. "Are you enjoying the summer's weather?"
"When getting to know a stranger, steer clear of politically charged and other sensitive subjects, and stick to neutral topics such as the weather or one's favorite restaurant," advises Hudson. Neutral topics can actually pave the way to deeper conversations, too. For instance, an answer could be, "Yes, I am loving it. I took a vacation last weekend and rented a boat." This remark allows for further conversation on trips, activities, and hobbies that can all establish similarities in interest.
3. "Your eye color is really pretty."
By bringing attention to the eyes, and then keeping eye contact when in conversation can allow you to reach into the other person's soul and to show him or her that you are paying attention to what he or she is saying. "Start with a smile and eye contact," says certified healthy lifestyle coach Liz Traines over email with Bustle, as the rest will follow off of an immediate attraction. Make eye contact for about sixty percent of the conversation, as it achieves the perfect balance.
4. "How has your day been?"
A simple interest in someone's day is a great way to show that you are thinking of him or her and are curious to hear the latest details. Checking in to see how one is doing demonstrates a thoughtfulness that is very attractive to strangers. "There's also no question as to whether or not you have ulterior motives," says Hudson. This type of conversation starter is so simple and harmless that it leaves no room for misinterpretations.
5. "Are there any great restaurants you can recommend?"
People love feeling needed, as though they are experts in a field and their opinions are valuable. Ask a stranger for a restaurant recommend in the area or a great place to settle in for a drink. Not only is food and dining a terrific topic for stimulating conversation, but it also can attract others towards wanting to get to know you better. Hey, they might even join you on your dining travels!
6. "What a cute dog, what breed is he?"
There's nothing like man's best friend to attract others. Research shows that having a dog can cause others to perceive you as more attractive. In one study, women were more likely to give their numbers to a man on the street when he was accompanied by a dog than not. So take your dog for a walk and make friends with other dog-walkers, or simply compliment a stranger's dog on the street, play with him or her or ask compelling questions about its breed, history and behaviors. Plus, this is a "neutral topic" as suggested by Hudson.
7. "What inspired you to choose your career?"
This questions shows that you are interested in the other's story and in learning what defines him or her. By including other comments, such as, "I can tell how driven you are," and "What you're doing makes such a difference," also demonstrates how highly you think of the person and can enhance his or her self-esteem. These happy feelings can help build a relationship.
8. "How did you become so creative? It's awesome."
People love hearing that they are creative types, as it's a quality that can allow you to excel in different fields and on different projects. It's a way to telling the other person that he or she is very modern and imaginative and that he or she exhibits artistic qualities that not everyone can necessarily attain. Being creative is incredibly desirable, and by insinuating that someone is creative, you will immediately appear more attractive.
9. "Would you like some gum?"
Studies show that gum can reduce cortisol and promote relaxation, and people will like you more when in a less stressed and happier state of mind. Also, offering gum shows that you are thoughtful and generous, and this ability to share is always an admirable quality that can make people drawn to you. Offer up a stick as a small token of affection, and it might go a long way!
10. "Nice to meet you, ______."
By working in the name of the person you are speaking with repeatedly throughout the conversation, you will be better able to remember the name longterm and can show that you are taking note of his or her interests and traits. Plus, saying someone's name creates a level of intimacy that can allow for a warmer, deeper relationship to form.
11. "I'd love to get your opinion on this."
Coming to someone for help shows that you find him or her to be intelligent, reliable and experienced. Also, people love sharing their own opinions and being heard, so this provides a great opportunity for them to express their thoughts and feel appreciated as a resource. You can also say, "I'd love to get your opinion on this. Can we set up a time for coffee or lunch soon?" in order to further build the relationship going forward and show that you would like to enjoy their company yet again.
By being approachable, interested and positive, you'll be better able to provide stimulating conversation, inject humor and playfulness, and draw others to like you. Giving compliments and asking for personal takes on subject matters can show that you value the other person's opinions and taste, and it can make him or her feel good about the situation, your presence and personal self-worth.
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