12 Signs You Don't Want To Be In The Relationship You Just Agreed To Be In
Have you ever found yourself deep into the throes of a new relationship and you don't really know how you got there? There was a date, and then another date. And then that one time you hung out during the day. And then that one time you had one drink too many and talked until the wee hours of the night, saying things you thought neither of you would remember in the morning. Except one of you remembers. And suddenly everything is different.
You're no longer dating, you're entering a relationship. You know you were a willing participant — no one tricked you into it, but you somehow don't mean to be where you are. You're not ready to stop dating other people. You're not ready to take yourself off the market. You're not particularly interested in investing more time into this one person, but it seemed like there was no other way to continue seeing them without progressing into a relationship.
And so there you are, nodding your head: "Yes, let's be official," while your mind is twisting into a question mark. They tell their friends they're in a relationship. They're excited. They want you to meet people. They want to make plans for months in advance. And yet you can't call them your partner with a straight face. You're not ready to delete your dating apps. You have no interest in bringing them to meet your friends. You're on completely different pages — hell, you're writing different books. These are 12 signs you don't want to be in the relationship you just agreed to be in:
You Don't Take It Seriously
You're not as invested in this relationship as you have been with others. You're not as curious about them. You're not as interested in their past. You don't really think of them as the type of person to hold a serious role in your life. It feels fun and light.
You Haven't Told Your Friends
You tell your friends everything. You tell them about your breakfast sandwich. You tell them about your boss's hair. And yet you haven't really told them much about this person. Obviously a part of you doesn't want to waste their time getting invested.
You Don't Take Them Seriously
Whenever they express themselves to you, you can't help but take it with a grain of salt. Because you don't feel the way they do, you have trouble giving their feelings credit. Because you're going through the motions, you're convinced they are, too.
You Haven't Gotten Rid Of Your Other Suitors
It's never a good time to tell the people you were dating that you're off the market. You keep telling yourself you'll tell them tomorrow, no the next day, the day after that. You convince yourself they don't need to know, and that it's presumptuous of you to think they care.
You Don't Act Taken
While you're not necessarily going on dates with other people, you're not conducting your life like someone who's committed to a relationship. You're out, you're about, you're looking to meet people, — you've got an open mind that your partner would be disappointed to learn about.
You Don't Consider Them In Life Choices
You just planned a three week trip to the beach this summer without even thinking about them. Whoops. They're just not on your mind or in your schedule like they would be if you were really into it.
It Feels Forced
You find yourself doing and saying things to match them. You don't want to leave them hanging in a conversation where they express their feelings, so you mirror their words. You force yourself to participate because a part of you wonders if after a little while you'll actually start falling for them in the same way.
You Don't Include Them In Social Plans
Your friends invite you to a party with a plus one and you show up alone. You have tons of opportunities to introduce them to your friends and include them in your plans, but the truth of the matter is that you're happy to have plans that don't include them.
You Look Forward To Alone Time, All The Time
You might like spending time with them, once you're in the room with them, but once your hang time is over, you're excited that you have a few days to yourself. And if they cancel plans, you're not sobbing, you're doing the happy dance.
You Can't Imagine A Future With Them
You try to think about your life six months ahead and you can't see them in the picture. You can't see them as a plus one in your best friend's wedding, you can't see them joining you at the beach, you can't see them at the holidays or at your birthday dinner. It just doesn't seem real.
You Don't Want To Be In Pictures With Them
You're apprehensive to pose in pictures with them. A part of you doesn't want to create evidence of your relationship because you're sure it's going to be short-lived. If they take a picture of the two of you, you pray they won't post it online.
You're Not On Your Best Behavior
When you really like someone, you're your best self. You care about how they see you. You want them to like you. You get nervous around them. You analyze your actions when you're not with them. But this person doesn't rattle your nerves. You don't really care what they think of you. Because their opinion is not important to you. It's got an expiration date.
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