11 Ways To Know If You Should Go On A Second Date Or Not If You You Just Can't Decide
First dates sometimes may not leave a long-lasting impression, but not achieving that immediate chemistry shouldn't necessarily be a reason to forgo a second date. The "love at first sight" idea can be extreme, and instead of holding your date to unrealistic expectations, look for these simpler, more realistic reasons as to why it's worth giving a second date a chance.
As a certified health coach, I discuss the importance relationship-building with my clients. Developing positive and supportive relationships can promote greater wellbeing and health, and studies have shown the benefits of having a strong social network on the psyche. Getting rid of toxic influences and fostering intimate ones can make us feel more connected, and having a partner to share our deepest desires with and plan a future with can make a huge difference to our longterm happiness. Before giving up on a first date, think about some of the positive aspects of the day and some of the qualities that you like about the other person. If the spark isn't there, wait it out for two more dates, and see if anything changes. Here are eleven signs to look for to know if you should go on a second date or not.
Plus, it's safe to say that you are the biggest indicator as to whether you feel comfortable seeing this person again. Everyone is different and has distinct preferences, desires, goals and needs in a relationship. If you feel unsure, these tips can be beneficial, but when it comes down to it, you just need to be honest with yourself and do whatever sits comfortably with you.
1. You Received A Thank You Text
In my experiences, I always appreciate when a date follows up with a thank you text or some indication of him having a great evening with me and hoping to reconnect soon. If your date sends you a text message following the dinner or activity that you partook in together, it shows that he or she is thoughtful and that you are on his or her mind. If communication carries over into the next couple of days, it could be a great sign that a second date would be enjoyable and would make for a continued, stimulating conversation.
2. Your Date Is Eager For Date #2
While you might be cautious regarding a second date, if your date is eager to make plans for a following one, it can be a sign that he or she is serious about finding a stable relationship, had a great time, and/or is definitely interested in getting to know you better. If you are determined to commit to someone exclusively in a short period of time, there's no point in wasting time with people who are juggling other dates and aren't showing immediate interest. Yet, this varies depending on your goals and time frame!
3. You Felt Good Around Him/Her
Did you feel confident? Accepted? Intrigued? Or, bored? If it's all but the latter, that's a sign that you should see how a second date could go. "Ask yourself if this person made you feel good," says certified healthy lifestyle coach, Liz Traines, over email correspondence with Bustle. Close your eyes and visualize yourself on the date, and try and channel how you felt before accepting or declining a second date.
4. The Location Was Convenient
If your date chose the location, and it was convenient to your work, home or schedule, it shows that he or she was thoughtful in both not putting you out of your way and in putting in his or her personal effort, advises Traines. If your date picked a location that really messed with your schedule, and had known a bit about where you live, work or had spent the day earlier, it might not be worth scheduling a second date without some other spark or connection.
5. You're Even A Little Excited
"Would you be even a little excited to see this person if you went out again?," asks Traines. Question yourself directly, and try to be honest with your answer. If you feel no excitement, but rather obligation, it might be a good idea to pass. However, if you feel even remotely excited or curious, then you should go for it! "If you can't stop thinking about the person after your first date or if thinking about them brings an involuntary smile to your face," says Chicago-based therapist, Chelsea Hudson, LCPC, over email with Bustle, it's a good sign.
6. You Can Picture Yourself On Date #2
Studies show that visualization techniques can be useful for decision-making, as it allows you to connect physically and mentally with your thoughts and needs. Close your eyes, and picture yourself on a second date. Look for these notes: your expressions, thoughts, his attributes, the ambience, and big, radiant smiles. If you can see any of these aspects in a positive light, then it's worth giving the date another shot!
7. Your Date Asks Lots of Questions
Dates who talk about themselves non-stop can be pretty hard to tolerate, but if your date asks you tons of questions about yourself, then it shows that he or she is interested and does not have a tendency to hog a conversation, suggests Traines. Just remember to return the favor and express a great interest in your date, as well.
8. You May Have Had A Bad Day
If you had gone into the date having had a challenging or tiring day, you weren't able to give your date a fare shot. Likewise, your date may have had a bad day, too! Think about the other factors leading up to your date and consider whether those could have affected either or your moods. If you weren't in a positive mood earlier, set up a second opportunity to get to know each other better.
9. You Like Them, Even Without Physical Attraction
Studies show that development of physical attraction might take a while and should not be an immediate determinant of a happy, long-term relationship. In fact, our "types" might be wrong for us and leave us being single for longer than we would like. Attraction can be created, and if you don't find a romantic spark after a few meetings but enjoy each other's company, your date might still turn into a great friend.
10. Your Date Wasn't Distracted When With You
If your date was on a cell phone or checking out other people within the restaurant or bar, then he or she was not giving you the proper attention you deserve. However, if your date was focused on you, had put the phone away, and asked intelligent questions, rather than sitting there gaping at you with eyes glazing over from boredom, then it's worth getting to know each other better.
11. Your Date Make Second Date Plans Before 10 p.m.
If your date asks for a second "meetup" around 10:00 p.m. or later, it might be more of an attempt at a purely physical connection, rather than an inclination of a future relationship moving forward. This date might be just looking for the physical, and if you're interested in a stable, emotional relationship, then it's not a match. Yet, if the second date involves a day-time activity or a dinner, then it's a sign that he or she is interested in seeing where you two can go. Likewise, if you're searching for a casual, non-exclusive relationship, there's nothing wrong with that, and a second date might be perfect, as you both are on the same page.
When deciding whether or not to go on a second date, it's important to think about how the first one when, but also to look at the factors that might have influenced the conversation, energy or mood. Ask yourself if you're even a little curious to see what a second one would be like. If you are, then you should go with your gut.
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