I recently watched a clip called Do You Find My Feet Suckable? (Not totally SFW) from the feminist pornographer Erika Lust that reinforced to me just how sexy non-physical turn ons can be. The five minute video spends the first three and a half minutes focusing on an exchange of looks and provocative gestures between two hotties in a library. He licks his lips; she bites her pencil; he sketches her; she shows off some lovely side boob. Not until the last minute and a half do things get physical, when he finally approaches her and gets into some serious foot worship that leads to intercourse on the library table, even though you never actually see their genitals or even her breasts.
Hot, hot, hot — this video is steaming hot. But, interestingly, the part that’s super hot is not the part where the leads are doing it. It’s the build up to the sex in the exchange between them beforehand that had me literally leaning in to my computer screen for the duration of the short clip. The sex at the end is really just a release, kind of like how sex works in real life.
I’ve talked before about how I don’t like the term “foreplay” because we apply it to a lot of things are actually just sex, like oral and mutual masturbation, but I’m going to backtrack on that statement a little bit after watching this video. Instead of abandoning the term foreplay altogether, we should redefine it to be specifically about the non-physical things we do to turn our partners on before we get physical — all of which are super hot and totally deserve more recognition than I think most of us are giving them.
With that in mind, here are seven ways you can turn your partner on without ever laying a finger on them.
Sexting is my absolute favorite way to get worked up for and with my partner. You can sext with pictures or without, depending on your comfort level, but trust me — even a little digital dirty talk is enough to get things rolling.
2. Eye Contact
Catching someone’s eye from across the room is a classic for a reason and there’s no reason it has to be reserved for flirting with someone you don’t know! Pull up this standby at a party when your partner is talking to someone across the room for a very unsubtle hint about what you want to get up to later.
3. Licking Lips
Speaking of unsubtle, a seductive lip licking is always hot AF. (Unless you’re me and you’re really just licking food off your face, which happens more than I should probably admit in such a public forum.)
Consensual flashing, that is! I’m not suggesting you go out in a trench coat with nothing on underneath and jump out of the bushes at unsuspecting suburbanites. No, I’m just talking about the quick flash of breast or butt or whatever body part your partner loves when no one else is looking. Going up the stairs in a skirt, for example, is prime time.
5. Dirty Talk
Dirty talk can happen over text, on the phone, or in person — all of them are totally effective. Describe what you want to do your partner and what you want them to do and see just how quick things get physical.
Another classic for a reason. Combine a wink with basically any of these other moves and your intent will be very, very clear.
7. Raised Eyebrows
Nothing says “Shall we get naked?” quite like a raised eyebrow.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (7)