Most of us have felt jealous of someone at some point in our life, and it definitely doesn't feel good. At times it's hard not to feel bitter and envious about someone else's life, but there are some people who rarely get jealous, and they're clearly doing something right. Looking at how they live their life can help inspire us to feel less negativity, because even though a twinge of jealousy is normal, it's not healthy to hold on to such a destructive emotion.
"Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins (malicious envy) for a good reason," says psychotherapist and relationship coach Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC over email. "It leads to negative feelings about oneself and others, creates an unhealthy competition, leads people to lose sight of what it is they want and what is best for them, and can cause a lot of damage in the relationships of family, friends, and lovers."
Not only is jealousy unhealthy for the mind, but it also can affect your physical health. Jealousy can kickstart the body's stress response, which can include a rise in cortisol, spiked blood pressure, and an increased heart rate, according to Women's Health.
If you're looking to shake off those feelings of envy, consider these 11 habits of people who don't get jealous.
1. They Stay Focused On Their Goals
Instead of focusing on what others are doing and making unhealthy comparisons, focus on the path you're on. "Jealousy is a distraction that can get in the way of one’s progress and success," says Coleman. "Think of the runner who glances to the right or left to see where another runner is — he or she loses time and can result in losing the race."
2. They Direct Their Energy Towards Self-Improvement
"When self-improvement and self-enhancement are the goal, our energy is positive and productive, and the drift into resentment towards others is unlikely to occur because we feel good about ourselves, our choices and the direction we have set for ourselves," says Coleman.
3. They Practice Gratitude
If you feel grateful, you don't resent someone for having something you don't, so expressing gratitude can help eliminate negative feelings such as envy, according to Berkeley University. "This means simply to spend a few moments each day reflecting on one or two things in your life that are good, bring something to your life, and that you feel grateful for," says Coleman.
4. They Offer Praise
"They offer praise, support, and words of encouragement to the person who could potentially be a trigger for their jealousy," says Coleman. "This redirection of their feelings and emotions will not only help them to feel like a better person and friend, but it will lead them to feel more positively about the person and their situation."
5. They Don't Spy
Eliminating jealousy means trusting people and their interactions. "One who is secure will never stalk or lurk on social media profiles to gain information," says relationship expert Alexis Nicole White over email. "They're not overly sensitive about those who comment or "'like' on someone's post, either. Nor do they look through someone's phone."
6. They're Realistic
People who don't get jealous know that others are not without their flaws. "Just because a relationship seems perfect on Facebook, doesn't make it perfect," says psychotherapist Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher LMHC, CRC over email. "We all have our crosses to bear; it's unrealistic for us to think that anyone's life is without some sort of struggle."
7. They Ask For Advice
Instead of feeling jealous, secure people seek advice from those they admire. "Want to know how someone attained their career or how another person found a great partner? Ask!" says Weaver-Breitenbecher. "Maybe someone is doing something that you aren't."
8. They Have A Healthy Relationship With Social Media
It's tempting to scroll through Facebook and Instagram all day, but heavy social media use can have a negative effect on your self-worth. Research from the University of Missouri found that heavy Facebook use is linked to greater feelings of envy, which in turn could lead to depression.
9. They Know When To Let Go
If someone makes them feel competitive, they take a step away from the relationship. "When someone knows that they have something special to offer and they are content with what they offer, they are never going to go above and beyond to prove themselves as if they are in competition with anyone else," says White.
10. They Focus On Their Own Success
This helps to shift the focus away from what others are doing and brings it back to the self, taking things from negative to positive, says Coleman. "They focus on their own achievements and recent success — and use their jealousy to propel them towards greater achievement and success," she says.
A little bit of jealousy here and there only works to help motivate us, but if you feel like the emotion is taking over and causing problems with your relationships, you might want to take greater steps to get rid of it.
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