'Pretty Little Liars' Recap: Mrs. DiLaurentis Is Just As Scary As You Thought She Was

Having watched a slew of mental breakdowns — poor Aria and Spencer — on last week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars , the show is really starting to take a toll on me emotionally. Oh yeah, and I officially hate almost every character on the show, excluding Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and Emily. (So, never mind — not poor Aria and Spencer.) That, and I still can’t get over the fact that Paige freakin’ told the police that Ali was alive. UGH, girl doesn’t get it. But let's break down what we learned on Tuesday's Pretty Little Liars:

New Characters

The show began with Spencer once again remembering moments from the night she may or may not have hurt Ali, while Aria had a make-out sesh with a random frat bro, Riley, at Syracuse. (But we’re not judging her because we’d probably do that too if the love our life turned out to be a big fat traitor. Plus, this new guy is a hunky artist. Can I get a holla at ya girl?)

Later, we met a new character, Dean, who is a drug and alcohol abuse counselor and is super hot. But since we’re siding with Spencer, as usual, he comes off as a big jerk even though deep down we know he means well.

Over in college land, hot university boy woos Aria with pancakes (because everyone knows food is the best way to a girls heart… but really).

We Still Hate Ezra

Emily, who we all know is actually a huge badass compared to the rest of her friends, despite seeming so meek, confronts Ezra for ratting them out in his soon-to-be published book.

Meanwhile, Hanna still has a major crush on Detective Hottie Gabe and probably pulls the best line of the night, referring to their peck from last week’s episode, saying, “I don’t want to accidentally run into your mouth again.” Note to self: Use this on next boy you kiss. However, the cutesy flirting quickly comes to a halt when she discovers that her boy thang received Paige’s note (STILL UGH) about Ali being alive. As per usual, Hanna gets awkward and exits the situation.

Kisses – A, Hugs – A, I Really Suck – A

And, of course, because “A” can’t stop being a big ol’ jerk, (s)he later piles a bunch of dirt into Spencer’s bed, which of course, freaks her out. I mean, dirt on white sheets? That’s just rude. But really, it’s because “A” knows that Spencer has begun to connect the pieces about the night of Ali’s disappearance. Scary person who we will never discover the identity of ever also conveniently leaves a note in the dirt (typical), which states, “I know you dug her grave. Now I’m digging yours. Kisses – A.”

Who Wrote The Note?

The next night, we discover that the cops are, once again, after Hanna because for some reason Gabe believes she wrote the note that Paige actually wrote. So what we’ve discovered as the audience is that, yes, men are still horrible… that is, until we see Aria and Riley together again.

PLL Becomes A Nicholas Sparks Movie

Aria and boy talk about deep stuff like, “My parents don’t want me to study music but I want to,” and it’s like The Notebook because they’re sitting on a dock by a lake. Because colleges have a lot of docks and lakes. (Actually, there is a lake at my college. Sorry.) Oh, and of course, he calls her out for not actually being at Syracuse to visit college campuses (because we all know boys are so great at reading women) and she’s like “Yep, dude broke my heart.”

The same day, Mrs. DiLaurentis visits Spencer’s house and addresses that one night Spencer totally flipped out her after remembering she had a fight with Ali the night she “died.” She makes a reference to how sad it must be for people to see their own children die right before their eyes and makes a comment about how sleeping on a nice set of clean, fresh sheets is great. So of course, we ask ourselves, “Did she really climb through a freakin’ window to dump dirt in Spencer’s bed?” And, “Can women her age even do that? Because I want those powers.” Basically, everyone in this show has become a major freak show.

More Boys And Some Stuff With Shovels

Although Aria’s new boy has to leave now that the week of touring is over, he gives her his number and they kiss and are unrealistically cute because we know that kind of shit doesn’t happen on college tours.

While on a run with Dean to relieve some stress, Spencer passes by a shovel and remembers (or so we think) chasing after Ali with a shovel, hitting her when she falls to the ground. All we see is blood splatter on Spencer’s face, which is, indeed traumatizing especially because Spencer has always been my favorite, and she tells Dean, “I think I remember what I did.” Yet of course he has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. However, Dean comforts her, telling her not to blame herself for her actions, not knowing that she thinks she killed someone. He gives her a letter to read, which is addressed from someone in London. But of course, we don’t actually know what it says because that would be giving way too much information away.

Relationships Are Brutal

Hanna’s on a date (#HannasDate in case you were wondering how to tweet that) with Travis and Mrs. DiLaurentis briefly crashes it like a weird cougar. Hanna sees her detective friends take Mrs. D away and Travis notices how she’s totally not into the date anymore. Poor guy.

In the meantime, Emily scares the shit out of Mona by standing behind her car as she’s backing out (not safe, kids) on her way to Ezra’s. Yet instead, Aria beats them to it. And she tells him that he needs to leave town. Leave, far away and never return kind of thing. Ezra acts like a puppy but we don’t care. While Emily and Mona are sitting in Mona’s car, Mona reveals that she was only dating Mike to get closer to Aria. Ezra gives a copy of his manuscript to Aria, saying there are probably details in there that could help her and her friends. SO MANY PLOT TWISTS.

This exact same night, Hanna is totally checked out during her date and Travis knows something is up. He’s a sweetie and everyone’s all like #TeamTravis. But then Hanna kisses him on the mouth and says she still had a great time despite totally ditching him, and he semi-smiles because it’s Ashley Benson.

This Person Is Probably “A” … But You Probably Won’t Know The Truth For Awhile

The girls hold an SOS meeting (even though Spencer is supposed to be locked up in her house) and Aria breaks some crazy ass news, revealing that Ezra believes “A” is actually Ali’s mom. OH SHIT.

Side note: The best line of the night is actually when Emily says, “We don’t have any cheesy puffs,” in response to Hanna wanting snacks. Lawlz.

But after Hanna is likely disappointed with no cheesy puffs, she asks Emily if she told Paige about Ali.

Tiger Mom To The Extreme

When Spencer returns home, her mom accuses her of sneaking out for drugs. [Insert sparring words here]. As Spencer is about to get into bed, she notices a light on across from her window in the DeLaurentis’ house and we see Mrs. DeLaurentis standing behind her in her room. WTF?! But, thank God, her mom randomly — and I really mean randomly because it wasn’t necessary — comes into her room to ask if everything is all right.

Finally, we are left with another mysterious cliffhanger, as we see “A” sewing a wedding dress, which in next week's previews, seem to foreshadow Spencer’s wedding and Spencer getting stabbed in the back. I mean that literally and not figuratively. So, as usual, we are still confused.

Image: ABC Family