These People Will Catch Your Pokemon For You
Because it is human nature to find a thing, become obsessed with it, and immediately begin searching for loopholes and hacks and ways to cut corners in it, there are now people who will catch Pokemon for you in "Pokemon Go." Honestly I'm not totally sure what the point of having someone else play the game for you is; after all, the fun part isn't knowing that you have all these Pokemon in your Pokedex — it's actually catching them yourself. But I suppose, hey, if you'd rather just have the collection and skip the collecting, you do you. The freedom of choice is, I guess, what ultimately matters, right? What a time to be alive, truly.
If you haven't heard of "Pokemon Go," then I'm assuming you haven't looked at any form of media for the past week and a half. Or been outside, for that matter, because this game is everywhere. Like, literally, it's taking over the world, one country at a time. Basic premise: You are a Pokemon trainer. Your goal is to walk around the real world and catch all 150 Pokemon by throwing Pokeballs at them. The app accesses your GPS through Google Maps and tracks your phone, essentially taking you on a city tour in real time. In addition, walking is required to hatch eggs into Pokemon. Basically, it's a way of making Indoor Kids go outside. Which some Indoor Kids are, understandably, a little irritated about, although to be fair, it's also opening up the eyes of Indoor Kids everywhere to a whole new world of possibilities.
If you are an Indoor Kid who would rather stay an Indoor Kid, or an obsessive "Pokemon Go" player, or just really really fascinated by the sociological and economic implications of a worldwide phenomenon like "Pokemon Go," then here are some ways to cheat the system and really stick it to the "Pokemon Go" man — by which I mean, here are some people that will do all the work for you. No judgment.
1. Professional Pokemon Trainers
Ivy St. Ive, editor-in-chief of Silica magazine, lifelong Pokemon fan, and now, reportedly, a future author, got a massive amount of press earlier this week when she began offering her services on Craigslist. For $20 an hour, St. Ives walks around with your "Pokrmon Go" account and captures as many Pokemon as she can find, focusing on specific types (fire, water, etc.), providing hourly check-ins, and doling out tips. She has since shut down her business, but will now be penning a how-to book for fledgling Pokemon trainers.
Supply and demand, my dudes. Pokewalk is a new San-Francisco-based startup with a pretty straightforward premise: They come pick up your phone and physically walk it for you. You know, like dogwalking, but for Pokemon. Pre-determine the distance you'd like (two km, five km, or 10 km), pay up front ($10, $15, or $20), and then hand your phone over to a complete stranger. The last part is, uh, probably the hardest, to be honest.
3. "Pokemon Go" Chauffeur Service
For $20 an hour, this "Pokemon Go" chauffeur in Los Angeles is offering "heated and cooled seats, bottled water, WiFi and nerdy Pokemon talk," along with the opportunity to be driven around to "Pokemon Go" hotspots.
4. Uh... This:
According to PlayerUp, a game account marketplace, Pokemon Go accounts with rare or high-level Pokemon are already selling for hundreds of dollars online. So if you have, like, $400 lying around, you, too, could snag yourself a level 21 Dragonite account. I would recommend it, though; it's more than a little bit dodgy for a whoooooole lot of reasons.
5. Your Ceiling Fan
LOL, just kidding, don't do that — even though other people definitely, 100 percent have. If you really want your eggs to hatch but don't have the time to walk around, skip the fan and attach your phone to a record player. Yes, really.