11 Predictors Of Divorce That Are Important To Watch Out For
There are often signs of unhappiness in relationships that can make us question whether or not we should stay committed to whomever we are with. Thus, looking for indicators of divorce can help us make the right decision in a shorter amount of time in order to enhance our wellbeing and look for something to fulfill our needs and desires.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling happier in their relationships and also understanding when there is a void or room for improvement between them and their partners and certain lifestyle situations. If someone is not feeling the love, it might mean that the romance or connection is declining, and this can lead to frustration, resentment and detachment over time. When such disconnect is apparent, the likelihood of divorce or separation can increase, due to dissatisfaction on both ends. Regardless of who is to blame or what the situation calls for, divorce means ending one chapter in order to begin another, and sometimes this decision can instantly better your health and wellbeing for the long run. Here are eleven indicators of divorce that you should pay attention to now, in order to seize control of your life and relationship and start doing what's best for you.
1. You Can't Agree On Decisions
If you and your spouse cannot come to agreements or negotiations on most matters, it can mean that you are not compatible and are unable to communicate effectively in order to work together as a team, advises Dr. Judith H. Tanenbaum, a psychiatrist in New York City over email with me. "A good shrink helps that," she adds. "Processing big decisions, with an objective person who sees things you don't" can be beneficial, she explains.
2. You Feel Like You Are Always Compromising
Coming to a compromise in marriages is very important; however, if you feel as though you are always giving in your spouse's requests or lifestyle habits, then it can make you dissatisfied in the relationship, explains Chicago-based licensed marriage and family therapist, Erika Fay, LMFT, over email with me. "If you consistently feel like you are compromising your wants and needs in your relationship, you might need to take a look at what you are getting out of the relationship," she says.
3. You Have Different Desires
If you and your spouse realize that you have different desires, goals and interests, and that you prefer to be with someone who matches those preferences, then it might indicate possibility of divorce. "What are the reasons you would give for breaking up with someone? I believe it depends on what you want out of the relationship," Fay. Discuss goals with each other and see if there's common ground.
4. Your Spouse Thinks You're Beneath Them
According to John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, in interview with Business Insider, couples where the partners think that the other is beneath him or her could be an indicator of divorce. Equality if very important, so make your partner feel equal to you.
5. You Don't Communicate Well
According to Gottman, couples who resort to yelling, withdrawal, stonewalling, criticism and defensiveness are more likely to get in a divorce, especially in younger, more recently married couples. If you find yourself unable to communicate, consider seeing a therapist to help provide a safe outlet and aid in translation.
6. You Keep Score
According to Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT for YourTango.com, in interview with the Huffington Post, playing tit-for-tat and keeping score can indicate potential for divorce, as it makes the couple focus on tallying, games and winning instead of love, communication and forgiveness. Let go of the competitive energy and focus on boosting each other's wellbeing and happiness.
7. You Don't Have Sex
Cohen suggests that the old saying, "you don't have sex once you're married" sort of thing, is outdated, and instead, you should realize that you don't have sex if you start feeling negativity and less positivity towards your spouse. Dissatisfaction and lack of interest in bed can be a major predictor for divorce.
8. You're Disinterested In His Or Her Feelings
If you say words like "whatever" and "fine" in conversations where your partner is speaking about his or her feelings or any upcoming decisions, tasks or desires, then such apathy can be an indicator of divorce, says a Denver, Colorado-based marriage and family therapist Aaron Anderson in interview with the Huffington Post.
9. You Make Rude Remarks & Use Sarcasm
While some people have sarcastic personalities that can be entertaining and enjoyable, and it could be a reason why someone might marry them in the first place, taking sarcasm to a new level where it's rude and unsympathetic towards your spouse can mean that there's great unhappiness and potential for divorce, suggests LeMel Firestone-Palerm, a marriage and family therapist in interview with Huffington Post.
10. You Exude Negativity
Known as flooding, according to Gottman, on his own blog, negativity from your partner can become overwhelming and leave you feeling unhappy and frustrated in your marriage. Try to be positive and to recall happy memories when in times of stress in order to minimize negative energy as best as possible.
11. You Spend Most Time Outside The Marriage
According to Sam Margulies, PhD, on Psychology Today, couples who invest more of their time in work, other relationships and friendships, and hobbies that don't involve their spouses are often trying to detach and remove themselves from an unhappy situation. If you are spending much time apart, and perhaps by choice, re-evaluate your partnership.
If you find yourself unable to communicate well, get intimate or share personal information with your partner, as a confidant, then it might mean that your marriage is in a rut and potential for divorce could be in the future. If you're hoping to salvage your marriage, consider speaking with a therapist.
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