These 6 Sex Toys Are A-OK To Leave Around The House (Even With Company Over!)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that, when one writes about sex and relationships for a living, one will occasionally forget to hide one's Lelo suede whip in one's bedside sex-toy basket before company arrives. (Yes, I have a bedside sex-toy basket.) And, trust, even the most liberal houseguests tend to find vibrators en plein air sort of gross and weird. Like, geez, grandma, you were so chill until you started shaming me for absentmindedly placing a bottle of Astroglide in the spice rack. IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, GRANDMA.

Some sex toys, however, are so crazy discreet that they won't trigger so much as a raised eyebrow, let alone a judgmental aside from your septuagenarian family members. You can leave these little...orgasm elves all over your damn apartment! Don't believe me? Click through to be blown away some pret-ty innocuous toys.

Big Teaze Toys's Rubber Duck Vibe

My word, officer, a sex toy?! In this very bathroom, you say? Well, I’m just a run-of-the-mill bath buddy, and I haven’t noticed any funny business. If I hear of anything, I’ll be sure to give you a buzz — er, a call.

Big Teaze Toys Travel-Size I Rub My Duckie, $21, Amazon

Tenga's 3D Masturbator

It’s a vase! It’s a sculptural candle! Well, actually, it’s a preposterously highbrow jack-off sleeve, but I doubt your houseguests will catch on. (The black base is removable.)

Tenga 3D Polygon, $25, Amazon

Crave Solo Vibrator

Nothing to see here, folks — just an extra-pretty thumb drive. Oh, and if anyone doubts you, the silver base IS actually a USB port. (That’s how the very best fancy vibes charge these days, didn’tcha know?)

Crave Solo, $139, Crave

Incoqnito for Crave Leather Nipple Tassels

From the same kink guru of nipple-vibe clamp necklace fame (which I told you to buy months ago, babes, get on that), I present the sexiest leather-and-steel nipple tassels you ever did see. Or, as you will call them around your mother, “hair ties.”

Incoqnito for Crave Leather Tassels, $35, Amazon

Lelo Lipstick Vibrator

This will blend right in with your hot mess of a makeup bag/basket/counter. It will also fit neatly in an orderly medicine cabinet, if you’re that kind of gal.

Lelo Mia 2, $85, Lelo

Pipedream Anal Plug

As long as you leave this fairly close to a bottle of vino, no one will ever guess that your vibrating butt plug is, in fact, not a wine stopper. This is convenient — you’re likeliest to strew butt plugs about with reckless abandon once you’ve knocked back a few glasses, no?

Pipedream Metal Worx Mini Luv Plug, $36, Amazon