Stephen Colbert Realizes Anthony Weiner's Sexting Scandal Is The Absurd News He's Been Waiting For This Month
Stephen Colbert began the Aug. 29 episode of The Late Show lamenting how slow August is for news, saying that he sometimes struggles to find anything to talk about. "Fortunately, something popped up: Anthony Weiner." Colbert took on Weiner by thanking the disgraced congressman for creating some prime late-night comedy fodder with his latest sexting scandal. After all, Weiner's name couldn't be more perfect for the onslaught of jokes Colbert hit throughout his segment. At one point, he didn't even have to try — he ended a sentence simply with "boner," to drive the point home.
Colbert starts the segment by describing Weiner's new scandal to his audience. As originally reported by The New York Post, leaked screenshots allegedly showed an explicit conversation between Weiner and an unidentified woman. This resulted in Weiner's wife, top Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, announcing their separation just hours later. Colbert described the situation a little more succinctly: He said that there were new reports of "sext messages from the disgraced former congressman turned disgraced former mayoral candidate." (Weiner had previously been involved in sexting scandals in 2011 and 2013, according to CNN, over which he resigned from Congress and later lost a bid for New York City mayor, respectively).
All this, Colbert reminded his audience, came just weeks after Weiner allegedly described himself as "deceptively strong... like a mongoose," according to another New York Post article. Cue Colbert imitating a mongoose, whatever that looks like:
Colbert also showed clips from Weiner's appearance on his show last month, during which he discussed his "eight years of remarkable growth." But the comedian said he wouldn't be fooled by Weiner this time. "You know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... dammit, Anthony. Just keep it in your pants until after the election!"
But there was one glaring problem in the story that Colbert couldn't wrap his mind around: Hadn't the disgraced former congressman ever heard of porn? "Congressman Weiner," Colbert said, "it's everywhere! You can even get it on that phone you're currently holding next to your penis."
So if the latest Weiner sexting scandal gave us nothing else, at least we got this golden Colbert segment from it.