Paula Deen for 'Dancing With the Stars'? Would Anyone Watch That? (We Would.)

Just when you thought Paula Deen's future couldn't get any weirder, Cheryl Burke is campaigning for her to join the cast of Dancing With the Stars Season 17. And as much as DWTS is a strange gathering of B-list celebs doing pale imitations of the talent on So You Think You Can Dance, I know in my heart that I'd be allllll over it if Deen was going to be shaking her catfish arms for the world to see.

Picture it: Deen, covered in sequins, jiggling about the stage with a young, muscular and probably homosexual man who has taught her how to dance. He will probably need about 40 years of therapy to recover from the pre-training butter monstrosities she'll serve him, but ah well, it'll be worth it.

So, yes, Burke is a genius. Because Deen really needs the career boost, and she could probably use the measly paycheck. (After all, it's probably hard to make ends meet when you've been at the helm of a Darth Vader-level world domination cooking empire for years and years.) But more importantly, she needs to win back our hearts. And the only way to do that might be to offer herself up as the proverbial jester, dancing across a stage as we laugh judgmentally in our living rooms.