'Suits': Will Mike and Rachel Finally Get Together? Please?

Full disclosure: This is my first-ever episode of Suits. My dad was a lawyer, and that seemed to involve wearing a lot of suits, so I'm on board. Transatlantic mergers, upstarts with fake backstories, sex in file rooms—this is kind of like a Bizarro World version of Mad Men, huh?

Mike wakes with a start from a nightmare. He dreams that Rachel has outed him as a fraud to the firm's partners. He heads straight for her apartment, where he tells her that "the real nightmare" would be if she didn't want to be with him. Womp womp.

She swears she'd never turn him in, but she does encourage him to quit. You know what? He should quit. He'd make bank on that tell-all memoir, not to mention the daytime talk show appearances. But not only does Mike not resign, he accepts Jessica's offer of a swanky new office, to Rachel's dismay.

Harvey's keeping busy, savagely negotiating Deron Williams's new contract with the owner of the Brooklyn Nets. I appreciate the Barclays signage, convincingly VIP office decor, and Mark Cuban name-dropping (Shark Tank forever, y'all), but... what? What happened to salary caps? And isn't this what agents do? If I had gone to law school, would I be best friends with Kevin Durant? If that's the case, then I've wasted my life.

Despite Jessica's desire to make amends with Harvey, as far he's concerned, their relationship has soured. In exchange for winning the Ava Hessington case, Specter asks Darby to tear up his non-compete.

Ava Hessington—who, by the way, is played by Michelle Fairley, a.k.a. Catelyn Stark—is an oil tycoon whose company has committed a whole mess of nasty crimes against the enviroment. She finds herself facing a possible prison sentence when the prosecutor turns out to be running for office, with Hessington's #1 competitor his top campaign donor.

But it gets even worse. The aspiring politician ultimately recuses himself from the case, appointing Cameron Dennis, the corrupt US District Attorney that Specter once worked for, as special prosecutor.

Harvey and Mike are on terribad terms, and fighting with his mentor doesn't feel right to RMoss. On Litt's advice, Mike resolves to help Harvey win his case, strong-arming IT weirdo Benjamin into giving him full access to Specter's hard drive (and whatever other sketchy electronic miscellany he may need).

But Mike's ploy fails. Thanks to Dana—who he's decided to transfer to Pearson Darby's London office—Harvey already knows all of Hessington's dirty secrets. Besides, as Harvey tells him, it's not information that sustains a friendship, but loyalty. Mike's role in the merger may have permanently broken Specter's trust.

As the office quartermaster, Nigel torments Litt by banning his beloved Uniball pens and snack bars from the firm. But when Louis convinces Darby to appoint him to the position instead, Nigel reveals that this was all part of his master plan (mua ha ha). Darby International policy dictates that Louis cannot serve as quartermaster and manage the associates—those duties will now fall to Nigel. "What better way to catch a rat than with quartermaster cheese?"

After Mike puts his heart into being entirely honest with Rachel, they have a bunch of sex with each other. Being honest seems to be going well for Mike, so he decides to pursue it ... sort of. Ross makes Jessica take the new office back, using as leverage a letter she'd written to expose him—which he'd snatched, with Benjamin's help, from her hard drive.

Harvey, now appreciating the Hessington case for all its complications, renegotiates with Darby: "I win, you don't fire me. You back me for managing partner."

Watch out, Jessica. He's coming for you.

Image via TV Fanatic