Falling in love is no easy feat, and it often takes time to find the person who can be a best friend, lover, and complement your lifestyle. However, before losing hope, you can use psychology techniques to fall in love (and embrace falling in love) with someone in ways you would least expect it, as explained by John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach on his website Relationship Psychology.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on finding love for themselves and opening up to finding love with others. I believe that finding people who encourage you, accept you, have fun with you, and stay by your side through it all are worth holding on to. Everyone deserves love, from family members, friends, and significant others, and the latter is incredibly important in creating an intimate family unit. Having someone to live with and wake up to each day is a pretty special thing, after all. Here are 9 ways to fall in love with someone, when you might be thinking that there's no hope left. Instead of thinking about the past, look to the present and future with an open mind and heart, as good things might be waiting for you at the end.
1. Open Your Heart
Over email with Bustle, certified healthy lifestyle coach Liz Traines says that opening your heart to possibilities is the greatest way to find love, as people who are closed off or untrusting are less likely to connect with a partner or seize opportunities to meet others. If you feel confident in you abilities to create bonds and develop intimacy, you'll be more likely to find love.
2. Be Forgiving
Traines recommends being forgiving accepting of people with whom you feel you could fall in love with. "No one is perfect," says Traines, and explains that we all have flaws that make us human. Instead of holding a person to too high of standards, realize that love isn't perfect, but it can exist when there is forgiveness, trust, and acceptance.
3. Go Out More
Traines recommends "putting yourself out there" to try new adventures, take some classes, network, and be outside more often in order to make new friends and potential lovers. If you stay isolated at home, you're not giving yourself a chance to meet someone to fall in love with. Life will not wait for you to get on board.
4. Don't Take Things Too Seriously
If you put too much pressure on a newfound relationship or connection, you might cause that person to shy away or be scared off, advises Traines. Take a relationship slowly, or even start as a friendship, to see if it develops into more. "Remember to have fun in the relationship. Try new classes or adventures together. Smile, laugh, and be playful," says Traines. It will strengthen naturally.
5. Don't Get Stuck In The Past
Over email with Bustle, licensed therapist Chelsea Hudson, LCPC, explains that staying stuck in the past and in past relationships, rather than focusing on the present and future, can hold you back from finding love. Hudson suggests being "mindful" and taking each day for what it is, without thinking too far into the past.
6. Don't Underestimate Online Dating
We might think that Tinder is just for hook-ups (which is totally fine, if that's what you want!); however, lots of people meet real matches and find love on dating sites. Be open to the idea of giving it your all, and you might just find love online when you always thought it was impossible.
7. Be Yourself
Traines recommends being yourself and loving yourself first, before setting out to meet potential matches. If you are authentic, love will come to you, Traines explains. Instead of putting on a front to find love, just be natural; love will then appear when you are not expecting it, as you're just in a more positive emotional state overall.
8. Focus On Good Conversation
When building a connection with someone, it's important to focus on engaging in good conversation where you can get to know each other. Asking questions and showing interest in others will allow your partner to find a deeper bond to you, and if you open up and share your own stories, you'll allow them in.
9. Know That Sex Isn't Everything
While having chemistry and that physical attraction is necessary, as a spark is what draws you to each other initially, sex isn't the only factor that determines a relationship, advises Traines. Emotions matter more, and if you love the person you're with, the sex should often follow suit. Of course, if you find that there's no happiness for sex life, it might be time to reconsider, but if it's just that it's not always hot and heavy, it's nothing to stress about.
If you feel ready to find a love connection but have given up hope or have taken a break in trying, it's time to get back in the game, as there's someone out there waiting for you. Give yourself time and focus on some other good things in your life — you never know when you'll meet the right person, so you might as well enjoy getting to know yourself in the meantime.
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