The 13 Stages Of Losing Your Makeup Bag Because It Really Is The Worst
Whether you approach the situation with nonchalance, confusion or sheer panic, nobody really knows how to feel or what to do when you lose your makeup bag. When putting on makeup every day becomes part of your routine, reaching for your loyal cosmetics case — only to find that it's not there — can seriously throw a wrench in your day.
If you're the kind of person who is makeup obsessed, misplacing your beauty essentials can often feel like losing a close friend — albeit one that never texts yet is there whenever you need them. After ringing around the last few places you have visited and curiously checking down the side of every piece of furniture where you live, it's fair to admit that your beloved bag has gone forever. Once you've gotten past the initial stage of denial, you can now go about your life as a makeup bagless human being. Usually this entails a few dreaded comments from colleagues who take it upon themselves to enquire about your health as "you look very tired today" before accepting to go makeup free for a while until you can be bothered to replace your trustee beauty staples.
Although we can all agree that losing your makeup bag totally isn't the end of the world, here are the 13 stages everyone goes through during the painstaking ordeal. Makeup lovers and makeup losers can all relate.
1. Reaching For Your Makeup Bag Only To Find It's Not There
Waking up without your makeup bag could almost be like any other ordinary day, except a lot less fun and way more annoying. You'll get up, shower, brush your teeth, get dressed and then you'll reach for your makeup bag only to find that it's vanished from it's usual place. Usually this will cause you to run late for whatever it was you were getting ready for. Lame.
2. Accidentally Trashing Your Room In The Desperate Search For Your Lost Friend
The panic that shortly follows after the sudden realisation of not knowing the whereabouts of your ever loyal makeup containing companion is honestly gut wrenching. Often this can lead to symptoms such as a messy room following the frantic upturning of all your furniture and loosely placed belongings.
Once your entire apartment, house, bedroom has been scoured and turned into a trash heap, you'll know that it's time for the next step.
3. Playing Detective By Ringing Around All The Places You've Been To Recently
Attempting to remember every single place you could've been whilst accompanied by your cosmetics is a complete snore fest of a task in itself but if the thought of speaking to people on the phone gives shivers down your spine, this will be the #1 worst moment for you in the entire makeup bag losing saga.
After successfully tracking down absolutely everyone that you had came into contact with in the past 24 hours, you might as well add "great detective skills" permanently onto your resume. It's a shame that you aren't getting paid for this infuriating work experience.
4. Seeing All Your Friends With Their Fully Equipped Makeup Bags
The sinking feeling you get when you see your nearest and dearest frolicking without a care in the world and a full face of makeup is completely frustrating. How dare they go about their lives normally whilst you're going through something so soul destroying. It's like they don't even care. Whatever.
5. Realizing How Much Money You've Actually Spent On All Your Makeup Essentials
Unless you're suddenly raking in the dollars, it's unlikely that you bought your entire makeup collection in a single transaction. Because of this, it's easy to forget just how much money you have actually spent whilst acquiring your go to team of perfect beauty products. The casual splurge on an occasional high end product really adds up over the years, a harrowing realization that only dawns on you when you become aware that you somehow need to get everything back. Uh oh.
6. Frantically Checking To See Whether You Can Afford To Replace Everything
The only thing stopping you from going on the massive makeup haul of your dreams is your very real bank balance and unless you want to be eating ramen for every meal this month, you're going to have to calm down. Breathe, take it slow and work out exactly which makeup items you're going to replace first.
7. Scouring Beauty Blogs Trying To Find Dupes Of All Your Old Favorites
Going through your list of favorite beauty blogs is great when browsing for no particular reason but when you're searching for specific items, it can be an absolute yawn. After a couple of hours reading mixed reviews of the exact same mascara, you'll find yourself missing your makeup bag more than ever.
8. Genuinely Considering Buying Used Makeup On Depop
The chances of contracting a deadly skin disease surely isn't that high. Perhaps the seller won't be that offended if you ask for a note from their doctor. It's probably worth the risk over paying full price for the usual expensive slop, you think whilst gritting your teeth.
9. Deciding To Temporarily Go Bare Faced, Only To Receive Some Completely Rude Comments
There is nothing wrong with going bare faced, we all know that — so why on earth do people come out with the most ridiculous things when casual makeup wearers decide to go without for a day or two is beyond anyone? "You're looking a bit ill today," and "Up late last night were we?" are frustratingly normal comments to hear, and enquiring about potential hangovers seem to be quite popular in the rude comment selection during fleeting moments of naturally exposed skin.
10. Borrowing Your Friend's Makeup Only To Realize It Completely Doesn't Match Your Skin Tone
Every now and then, a random act of kindness is enough to remind us that the world isn't such a horrible place after all. One of these treasured moments is when your BFF offers to lend you her makeup in your time of cosmetic drought.
Before rushing into a frenzy of slapping powders and liquids onto your face, it's probably best to check that it matches your skin tone first or you may end up tagged in a series of photos like this before realising your mistake.
11. The Look On The Cashier's Face When You Walk Up To The Beauty Counter With No Makeup On
Just imagine it.
"Babe, are you sure you want to buy this high coverage foundation? Because, no offense, by the looks of it you don't really seem the type and we do have a lighter foundation on offer at the minute... oh, you lost your makeup bag? How dreadful hun, if that was me I think I would die."
Me too, hun.
12. Checking Your Bank Balance After Eventually Replacing Everything
There is legitimately no worse feeling than accidentally dipping into your rent money in order to feed your every day makeup habit. Then again who needs a room when you look fabulous? Spoiler: Probably everyone, do not do this.
13. When Nobody Even Notices When You're Back To Your Usual Makeup Wearing Self
It's a good thing that we only wear makeup to please ourselves then really. But gee, thanks for support everyone, truly.
If only there was a "Find Your Phone" app but for makeup bags, that would be the absolute dream. If any developers happen to be reading this and find themselves inspired, please send all royalties to my email address.
Images: Hatti Rex