7 Painfully Accurate Ways John Oliver Has Described This Election
Sunday night, John Oliver walked us through just how bad the election has gotten. Two weeks ago he said if you "looked up, you could see rock bottom." But then things got worse. And then worse again. This week, Oliver argues, "If you look up, all you can see are the thin plywood boards surrounding us on all sides because we are in a coffin and we are buried alive in the horror that is this election." While the degradation of our political system is nothing to laugh at, these seven hilarious ways John Oliver has described the 2016 election sure are.
This week's entire show was dedicated to the election — and it makes you see why he has to use such biting humor when covering the race to the White House. All of his shows are sarcastic and sardonic, of course, but for the last several months, and increasingly so these last weeks, Oliver has broached the subject of the 2016 campaign by offering bite-size slogans that encapsulate just how bad things are. They put the shit show that is 2016 into a digestible and sadly hilarious sentence. With each passing week, just as we get further below rock bottom, the jabs get more hilarious. These are seven less-than-positive summaries of the election that give you an idea how Oliver and the Last Week Tonight crew truly feel.
1. Before Things Got So Bad
Even before we knew who the candidates would be — at least officially — Oliver weighed in on the process. He acknowledged the system was broken but pointed out that Hillary would have won the Democratic nomination anyway. But first he started with this:
Presidential primaries and caucuses: the electoral foreplay that we've been engaging in since February which will culminate in the mass balloon ejaculation of this summer's conventions.
2. Endorsing? As If
The Last Week Tonight host came back from summer hiatus just to share his endorsements — but not for president. "Because of my accent, the only elected officials I can endorse are prime ministers, viceroys, and magical railway controllers," he said. But that didn't stop him from getting the ball rolling with this rough word on the American election:
Uncle Sam's Rock-Bottom Yankee-Doodle Suicide Pact 2016!
3. Even On Other Shows, It's Still Bad
Oliver can't keep his disdain totally to his HBO show either. Broadcast TV viewers need to know too. Here's how he summed it up on CBS' This Morning after winning an Emmy:
The election is clearly the gift that you ideally would like to stop giving, but it does keep giving its gifts to our face. I don't think at the end of this election, anyone can reasonably say, "You did a great job, everyone." I think as a species, we want to call for the breakup of this election ... [it] has been a series of banana peels, mouse traps and trap doors. It has been awful, by any rational metric, this has been a disaster.
4. Here's Where Shit Hit The Fan
This was the first episode after the debate, and Oliver had plenty to say on Trump and Clinton's performances. But first, the election is basically:
"What did I do to deserve this? Always tried to be a good person... Is this because I stole candy once in 4th grade? Please stop punishing us" 2016.
5. Scandals Make You Long For 2012
Trump and Clinton were both thoroughly checked over by Oliver given the number of scandals we've seen this election. This might be the best one. This year is:
"The electoral equivalent of seeing someone puking so you start puking and then someone else puking and pretty soon everyone is puking" 2016.
6. The View From Six Feet Under Rock Rock Bottom...
Before going into the latest Trump revelations this week, Oliver had this to say:
"I don't even believe in past lives, but I must have done something really fucking terrible in a past life to deserve this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" 2016.
7. ...Which Is So Bad You Need Two In One Night
The main segment this week was also on 2016, particularly how many Americans are unhappy with both Trump and Hillary Clinton. "It's true, Americans are so disillusioned by the major party candidates, it would seem many would prefer to vote for Kevin Klein's character from the movie Dave, or the ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr., assuming he only said the three quotes that white people like." Oliver went on to talk about how the disillusionment may have sparked interest in the third parties (and why both Gary Johnson and Jill Stein are bad choices for president). But first he shared this gem. It's basically:
"Lice on Rats on a Horse Corpse on Fire" 2016.
If that doesn't make you long for Nov. 9, I don't know what will.
Image: Last Week Tonight/HBO (2)