This ‘Rocky Horror’ Update Is Major

So, uh, we need to talk about The Shorts. As in The Shorts from Fox's made-for-TV adaptation of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. As in The Shorts worn by Staz Nair in The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again. Because 2k16 Rocky Horror's shorts are so long.

When he isn't Time Warping about Dr. Frank-N-Furter's manse in that belted singlet... thing, Staz Nair's Rocky is in shorts. Like actual shorts. Not briefs. Not boxer briefs. Not boxers. Shorts. If Rocky approached a random person at Trader Joe’s and asked, “What am I wearing?” that random person would probably reply, “A most dazzling pair of gym shorts. Hey, would you want to play a quick game of HORSE, you dream boat?"

Don’t get me wrong, 2k16 Rocky’s shorts are all things gorgeous and exquisite; you can never go wrong with gold and shiny. But they're also quite the modest interpretation of the briefs Peter Hinwood donned in the 1975 film. I wouldn't call them the start of a pretty big downer or anything, but the gold gym shorts just... Well, they aren't gold undies. And as far as a Rocky costume is concerned, the gold undies are, ahem, the gold standard.

I think it's fair to say the chonies Rocky wears in the movie are an iconic piece of costuming; to quote another fictional hunkasaurus rex, “It belongs in a museum.”

...Or, ya know, on display at the Orlando Hard Rock.

Images: Fox (2); dollwiththemotions/tumblr