Snail Facials and 7 Other Insane Beauty Procedures

It's the beauty breakthrough you've been waiting for: a Tokyo spa is offering the "Celebrity Escargot Course," aka $243 snail facials. The treatment claims to heal damaged skin, but, shockingly, dermatologists say that, nice try, it probably doesn't. And even if it did, who in their right mind would let a bunch of snails crawl all over her face? Well, the fact is, plenty of people are willing to try just about anything in the name of beauty. Below are seven other procedures that read like SNL skits, but, unfortunately, are very, very real. What a world we live in.

Snail Facial, Anyone?

It's the beauty breakthrough you've been waiting for: a Tokyo spa is offering the "Celebrity Escargot Course," aka $243 snail facials. The treatment claims to heal damaged skin, but, shockingly, dermatologists say that, nice try, it probably doesn't. And even if it did, who in their right mind would let a bunch of snails crawl all over her face? Well, the fact is, plenty of people are willing to try just about anything in the name of beauty. Below are seven other procedures that read like SNL skits, but, unfortunately, are very, very real. What a world we live in.

Stem Cell Injections

The only stem cell treatment approved the FDA is a bone marrow transplant, but that hasn't stopped people from using stem cell research in an effort to repair wrinkles. Of course, the risks with trying out a procedure that has yet to be approved by the FDA are vast. You know, like growing bones in your eyelid. Happy nightmares, y'all!

Fish Pedicure

You know when you're a kid, and you're swimming in the lake at summertime, and you can feel fish at your feet? You know how it's horrifying and makes you want to leave the water immediately and forever? Wouldn't you love to pay for that? Well, with fish pedicures you totally can! Tootless fish gnaw away at the dead and callused skin on your feet. Thanks, but no thanks.

Bull Semen Hair Mask

Is there anything that says "beauty" more than "bull semen" does? I think not. At Santa Monica's TheBroot salon, you can get soft and shiny air by slathering your locks with a bull's semen. For only $7, it's the steal of the century! Be sure to tell all your friends, family, and co-workers what you did. You'll want them to know how cool and not at all weird you are.

Snow Globe Spa

This past winter, my heat was broken for two days, and I had to tough out my nights in two sweatshirts and under five blankets. At the time, I thought I was just getting a sinus infection that would last until March. What I didn't realize is that I was actually getting a luxurious beauty treatment. At the Qua Baths & Spa in Las Vegas, guests can hang out in a frosty 55 degree chamber, where actual snowflakes — like, real snow — fall from the ceiling. How relaxing. What a great vacation.

Bath O' Wine

Now, I don't want to hear any of you wining about this service. Get it? Like whine. But wine. Because, at the Yunessun Spa in Japan, you can bathe in a tub of red wine. Allegedly, it helps to reverse sun damage, but I'd just prefer to slater on some aloe and experience my wine in a glass.

Bird Dropping Facial

It's actually called the "Geisha Facial," but I like my name better. At the Shizuka New York Day Spa, you can get a facial with bird poo. I mean, who wouldn't want to drop $180 to get bird feces slathered all over this face? That sounds like a delight.

Chocolate Body Wrap

The Godiva Chocolate Body Wrap at Manhattan's Ajune spa promises to smooth and hydrate skin. Of course, that's only if you can resist the urge to not lick yourself. (Oh, don't judge me. You'd do it, too.)