Kanye West Becomes The Donald Trump of Rapping With Taylor Swift Rant

Kanye West makes it really hard to like Kanye West, you know? Even those of us without a penchant for the like-totally-oh-my-gosh semi-girl-power anthems of Taylor Swift still can't seem to help but side with her after 2009's VMAgate, a.k.a. the birth of Interrupting Kanye.

You remember this, don't you? Swift beat out several artists to take home the MTV Video Music Award moonman for Best Female Video for "You Belong with Me," — including the Queen Beyowolf herself, Beyoncé. This angered West so much he threw a very public hissy fit, stealing the microphone and the glory from a unassuming teenaged girl who won an award voted on by her fans for a network that used to have a shred of musical integrity back in the day. It wasn't the Nobels, or even the Grammys, it was MTV. Nevertheless, West and his traveling bruised ego show were horrified that such a musical injustice could happen in real time and no one was stopping it.

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But why?, many asked. What was his reasoning? Why did he care so much? Well, thanks to one of West's so-called friends who doesn't seem to mind secretly recording his friend's private conversations for profit later on (with friends like these!), we now seem to have our answer. And it's — shock of all shocks — pretty strange.

Rich Juzwiak over at Gawker unveiled the secret recording in a post earlier today, wherein the rapper/singer/slinger of $120 white t-shirts spoke candidly on the subject.

Basically, because he feels he does something prolific, Swift cannot beat Beyoncé. Seriously, scout's honor, this is what he said:

I wrote my fuckin' 'Run This Town' verse for a fuckin' month! When I heard Eminem's verse on the Drake shit, I went back and rewrote my shit for two days. I canceled appointments to rewrite! I fuckin' care! You know what I'm saying? And that's what I'm saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé.

Okay, so, let's back up. Because West spent a month on a verse for a rap — foregoing dental appointments! L'horreur, l'horreur! — and then later rewrote said rap in two days, Beyoncé should win over Swift at an awards show that's voted on by maniacal tween girls? Can't say I'm following your logic, Mr. West, but that might also be because there is literally zero logic to be found in that statement.

I believe what he was trying to say was that he works hard and is a true talent (like the motherfucking Elvises James Browns of the world, as he stated), unlike Swift, and that only true talents should win awards. And that basically, because Swifty won, there is no longer room in the industry for true musical icons (which he soh-o-humbly believes himself to be).

But could anything be more laughable than the idea that, prior to now, only the motherfucking Elvises and James Browns of the world won awards? And that there has never been an award winner who may be slightly (or largely) less deserving than someone else? Come on, Kanye, you have to be smarter than this. Right? You're an idealist in that regard, and I can respect that to a degree — but winning awards has never been wholly about talent, and certainly not about deservedness, either. Award shows are just as (if not more) political than politics. (You live in L.A., where "For Your Consideration" yard signs are more popular than actual government election ones.) If you're in this industry just to win accolades, praise, and awards and only see the worthiest of victors prevail, HA! You're in the wrong industry.

The rant continued in a not-at-all-unexpected vitriolic fashion, with West giving the network shit for picking singer P!nk to perform over him. "What the fuck was Pink performing? Don't nobody know that song. Pink performed twice! Two songs? How the fuck Pink perform two songs and I didn't even get asked to perform 'Heartless.' 'Heartless' is the biggest song of the year!"

To which I say: Whoa, slow that Donald Trump delusion-roll of yours, Kanye, because "Heartless" was nowhere near the No. 1 song of the year. Sure, it debuted at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, where it peaked at No. 2 and reached No. 1 on the Hot Rap Tracks and Hot 100 Airplay charts, but it was definitely not the top song of 2008. (That honor goes to Flo Rida's "Low.") So now you've just gone and ruined your barely-there argument by spouting off "facts" that aren't even true.

See what I mean? You make it so hard, Kanye. Listen to the whole rant over at Gawker.