“All I Want For Christmas Is You” is our best existing solution to bring about world peace. Sounds dumb, but stay with me. What other song unites people of all different backgrounds, cultures, and creeds so powerfully? It’s a deliciously over-the-top piece of musical kitsch that brings everyone together, whether jostling in front of the microphone at karaoke or getting down on the dance flooe. This is probably why James Corden having Mariah Carey sing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" on Carpool Karaoke also came with the bonus of so, so many celebrities singing with her.
Carey opened her segment by asking Corden to serenade her with her own hit, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” but, just as the first chorus kicks in, suddenly we see it's not him with Carey, but him singing along with Adele. And, before long, we realise the whole video is a supercut of different celebrities carpool karaoke-ing the hell out of the best Christmas banger around.
So who killed it and who was just phoning it in? Check out my very official ranking below. To be fair, obviously, this isn't very fair. The edits meant some singers got more time than others or had to sing on the quiet segments (making it harder for them to show off their vocal stylings). So don't feel bad, low-ranking singing superstars. Hopefully next Christmas' edit will be kinder to you.
9. Chris Martin
Poor Chris Martin is a prime example of falling victim to the camera edit; he got minimal camera time and during his, say, 10 seconds of singing, he was just sort of OK. Sorry, better luck next time.
8. Elton John
Putting Elton John in second to last place makes me feel like a monster. I worship this man, so this stings. But my journalistic objectivity won't allow me to place him any higher. John is, gulp, kind of mediocre here. Still, this is a song written to show off all the advantages of a female soprano voice. As such, his very average performance is probably more about who the song is written for than about him as a performer.
7. Red Hot Chili Peppers
They were nothing to write home about (though I get the sense they were mostly recorded to add percussion, not vocals), but god, they were fun, weren't they? Loved the energy, the handclaps, and the "ho, ho, ho."
6. Gwen Stefani
Never not fangirling over Stefani, so again, it feels hard to place her this far down the ranking. Full marks for effort and charisma, but, since she goes out of tune slightly, I'm afraid she's not making it any higher on my list.
5. Selena Gomez
If this had been a "who wore the best outfit while performing 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'" ranking, Gomez would have topped it, because her top is cute. And her performance was everything you want: cheeky, charismatic, and fresh. But, when it came to vocal stylings, her singing was good. Just not great.
Plot twist: arguably, this song should have been Adele's for the taking. Who has a better set of lungs than this woman? Basically nobody. Still, while it was excellent, this wasn't Adele's best performance. It didn't feel as emotional and vital as her performances of her own material.
3. Demi Lovato And Nick Jonas
Demi Lovato took on this song with immense confidence and made it her own. Nick Jonas wasn't really audible over the sound of Lovato crushing it, but, whatever, let's include him in the lineup.
2. Mariah Carey
Obviously, Carey was going to slay; it's the track that made her the patron saint of kissing someone inappropriate at the office Christmas party. This was her tune. And she did great. Seriously. But not as great as...
1. Lady Gaga
Don't feel bad, Mimi. This track was made for Gaga. Not literally, of course, it was written for you. But it's the perfect song for ex-theater school kids who love showing off. It's big, it's brassy, it's completely over the top. Lady Gaga got to show off every single thing she could do with her remarkable voice, and she didn't hold back at all.
And perhaps that's the difference. Carey's performance was much more reserved, which might be fine in the studio. But, in karaoke, the person who puts themselves out there the most is usually the winner. So all hail Lady Gaga: queen of Christmas, queen of karaoke. May you take inspiration from her vocal flourishes for your inevitable yuletide karaoke performance of this Christmas classic.
Images: The Late Late Show With James Corden/YouTube (10)