Google Tries To Trademark The Word 'Glass,' Because Its World Takeover Is Now Extending To The English Language

In Google's latest attempt to take over the world, they began hitting where it hurts - our lexicon. Recently, the company submitted a request to the U.S. trademark office asking that Google trademark the word "glass." Not "Google Glass," just "glass," as in that thing you drink out of, or that material your windows are made of.

The U.S. trademark office is not having these shenanigans, raising two major objections to the company's ploy to slowly, but surely, trademark the entire English language. First of all, the trademark would be far too similar to other products that contain the word “glass,” which could cause confusion.

And confusion aside, the second issue with the plan is that the word "glass" is nothing more than a descriptor of the product. After all, Bustle can't trademark "journalism" anymore than a bottled water company could trademark the word "water." Too bad we weren't companies like Kleenex or Band-Aid, who just beat everyone else to the game and made their brand name the name of the product as well.

Of course, Google, with its infinite legal wisdom and resources, has struck back. In Google's defense, it wasn't all versions of "glass" that they wanted protected. Only this one.

Nice try, Google.

Google is apparently hoping to kill any complaints about the legitimacy of their request with sheer boredom. In response to the trademark examiner's concerns, Google sent a 1,928 page letter to the office, detailing every aspect of Google Glass, from how the name has already become embedded in today's culture to the materials used in the product.

In fact, to rebut the point that "glass" is a descriptor, Google shot back, “the frame and display components of the Glass device do not consist of glass at all,” but are made from titanium and plastic. Furthermore, Google writes, the world "glass" does not do anything in the way of “inform[ing] potential consumers as to the nature, function or use,” of Google Glass and as such, cannot possibly be seen as an adjective.

Be that as it may, the jury's still out on whether or not Google will get its glass. It almost seems silly, given how much of the free world Google has already taken over. In fact, jokes aside, they've seemingly begun to form a monopoly on the Internet with Project Loon, an attempt to bring Internet connection to all parts of the world using a network of hot air balloons. No seriously, the balloons orbit the Earth in 22 days. This wildly cool venture that would help connect the world in ways previously impossible seems like a much more useful use of Google's time than finding a way to make sure that no one uses the word "glass" ever again.

Look Google, if Beyonce and Jay-Z couldn't trademark Blue Ivy's name, it looks like the chances for "glass" are slim.