As recognizable as the most devious man on Orange is The New Black is (though Season 2 may tell a different tale), you couldn't be blamed for not realizing that Pablo Schreiber also plays a slew of other villainous TV characters. While Pornstache (or George Mendez) is guilty of plenty of terrible deeds — and sexist commentary — it's not even the most dastardly of Schreiber's roles.
Of course, Pornstache isn't exactly a winner, but he's certainly not a violent, psychopathic rapist like Schreiber's Law & Order: SVU villain. At one point the self-serving guard even endears himself to OINTB viewers the way an injured raccoon on the side of the road might: he's a mean little bastard, but he probably doesn't deserve something that terrible to happen to him. I mean, as we stand at the end of Season 1, the poor guy is lovesick for a pregnant inmate (Daya) who's in love with another guard (Bennet) and who tricked him into sleeping with her so her real lover wouldn't get fired for sleeping with her. He's a douche (and it is his fault that Tricia was getting drugs in Litchfield), but you almost have to feel bad for the dude.
It's these other roles that'll make you wish Schreiber wasn't a charmer in real life:
The Big Bad on SVU
Fans of Law & Order: SVU know Schreiber was a dark presence for Detective Olivia Benson in 2014. Recurring villain and brutally cruel rapist William Lewis (Schreiber) returned for the season finale, just in time to break out of prison and hunt down Benson. But it's a bit tough watching Schreiber embody such a sickening, psychopathic character because the actor himself is pretty damn handsome. Why do you have to be so good at being bad?
Two Other Characters on Regular Law & Order
SVU's producers must have gotten the idea to hire Schreiber somewhere, right? Like, perhaps by watching old episode of Law & Order: Original Recipe and seeing Schreiber play both Sean Hauser and murderer Kevin Boatman. Sure, that's not confusing at all.
Someone on That Failed NBC Drama About a Wheelchair Detective
A Russian Sidekick and Lover on Weeds
Ricky Falcone from A Very Always Sunny Christmas
Nick Sobotka on The Wire
And a Few Other Recurring Roles
Because Schreiber's been at this for awhile, you may also have seen him in Lifetime's Army Wives for a brief few episodes, a regular on CBS' A Gifted Man, and a character on the unfortunately short-lived boxing drama Lights Out.
Image: Netflix; NBC/Michael Parmelee