As recognizable as the most devious man on Orange is The New Black is (though Season 2 may tell a different tale), you couldn't be blamed for not realizing that Pablo Schreiber also plays a slew of other villainous TV characters. While Pornstache (or George Mendez) is guilty of plenty of terrible deeds — and sexist commentary — it's not even the most dastardly of Schreiber's roles.
Of course, Pornstache isn't exactly a winner, but he's certainly not a violent, psychopathic rapist like Schreiber's Law & Order: SVU villain. At one point the self-serving guard even endears himself to OINTB viewers the way an injured raccoon on the side of the road might: he's a mean little bastard, but he probably doesn't deserve something that terrible to happen to him. I mean, as we stand at the end of Season 1, the poor guy is lovesick for a pregnant inmate (Daya) who's in love with another guard (Bennet) and who tricked him into sleeping with her so her real lover wouldn't get fired for sleeping with her. He's a douche (and it is his fault that Tricia was getting drugs in Litchfield), but you almost have to feel bad for the dude.
It's these other roles that'll make you wish Schreiber wasn't a charmer in real life:
The Big Bad on SVU
Fans of Law & Order: SVU know Schreiber was a dark presence for Detective Olivia Benson in 2014. Recurring villain and brutally cruel rapist William Lewis (Schreiber) returned for the season finale, just in time to break out of prison and hunt down Benson. But it's a bit tough watching Schreiber embody such a sickening, psychopathic character because the actor himself is pretty damn handsome. Why do you have to be so good at being bad?
Two Other Characters on Regular Law & Order
SVU's producers must have gotten the idea to hire Schreiber somewhere, right? Like, perhaps by watching old episode of Law & Order: Original Recipe and seeing Schreiber play both Sean Hauser and murderer Kevin Boatman. Sure, that's not confusing at all.
Someone on That Failed NBC Drama About a Wheelchair Detective
I mean, it's really not your fault for missing out on NBC's Ironside. Not many people found the need to gawk rudely at a detective with the inability to walk and the series was promptly canceled.
A Russian Sidekick and Lover on Weeds
When Nancy Botwin finally got herself released from prison, she left behind her girlfriend and opted to bed her girlfriend's brother Demitri (Schreiber) instead. It got a little complicated, but this very NSFW video above helps explain the fallout.
Ricky Falcone from A Very Always Sunny Christmas
Poor Ricky Falcone was the boy Mac and his family robbed of a robot butler on Christmas morning when he and Mac were kids. When Mac and Charlie realize that Mac's "Christmas tradition" was actually a form of burglary, they take the robot back to Ricky's doorstep just to pay him a visit. (A grown man doesn't need a robot butler unless he's Mac, right?) They later buy him a nice shirt so he can get a job, which Charlie gets blood all over when he bites a mall Santa's neck, and Dee wears it when the whole gang wakes Ricky up in the wee hours of the morning later that night. You know, typical Sunny antics. It's called paying your dues, Schreiber.
Nick Sobotka on The Wire
Fans of HBO's beloved crime saga may recognize Schreiber as Nick Sobotka, a sometimes smuggler who winds up turning to theft and burglary when he's unable to get more shifts at work. Schreiber was only on a few episodes, but as we know, The Wire is full of briefly-present, yet incredibly memorable characters. (And yeah, that's Game of Thrones' Littlefinger cutting the ribbon.)
And a Few Other Recurring Roles
Because Schreiber's been at this for awhile, you may also have seen him in Lifetime's Army Wives for a brief few episodes, a regular on CBS' A Gifted Man, and a character on the unfortunately short-lived boxing drama Lights Out.
Image: Netflix; NBC/Michael Parmelee