These people made their way into this busy week's headlines—and they must be exhausted. No better time to curl up with a good book, right? Here, let us guide their Amazon purchases:

Delphine Boël, you're claiming to be the illegitimate daughter of Belgian King Albert. Read The Princess Diaries and let Mia Thermopolis, unexpected Princess of (fictional) Genovia, teach you how to accept your potential royalty with all the grace of a 15-year-old Algebra flunkee. And here's hoping you find your own Michael Moscovitz.

Bathers in this Queens pier in Little Neck Bay, keep bathing, despite the Health Department's warnings of pollution. The Ganges River is almost 100 times as populated as the government limits, but people drink that stuff. If the pier is as holy as the myth of Ganga suggests the Ganges is, you're bound for Nirvana.

All people who have survive the wretched heat this week, take comfort that though you are suffering hell-like conditions, you're not eating your own children like Ugolino in Dante's Inferno.