Here is a sentence I never thought I'd type: there is a documentary about penises. Okay, The Final Member is a documentary about a penis museum (another sentence I never thought I'd type) so in all fairness, this is strictly educational, guys. THIS IS NOT PORN. (Free Tumblr idea? This Is Not Porn?) Anyway. Let's get into the details because naturally, you are intrigued. There are dinosaur museums, historical museums, art museums — and, in fact, a single penis museum.
Filmmakers Jonah Bekhor and Zach Math felt the need to visit this one and only penis museum in the world. It's in Iceland, and it's called, unsurprisingly, The Icelandic Phallological Museum. While the two are at the museum, they have the opportunity to learn tons about the member, and hey, it's not hard (SORRY SORRY SORRY) to want to know what exactly it is that they learned.
Like, did you know that once upon a time (as told in the tale "A Legal Length"), a woman got the law involved when her husband's size — three inches — didn't leave her feeling satisfied? Ha! Can you imagine someone calling up a lawyer because her husband — or boyfriend's — penis was pocket-sized? Perhaps the modern equivalent of that is blogging about small penises (not nice, ladies).
Also very important: men can feel free to donate their members to the museum (I guess it's like donating an organ to education or history or science or something) but there are very stringent requirements. Men must meet five inches in length in order to be even considered eligible to donate their junk — sorry, historical sexual artifacts — to the museum. Hey, the museum said it, not me.
The film actually got picked up by Drafthouse and it's slated for release on April 18. Since I doubt any of us are about to take a voyage over to Iceland anytime soon, this should provide with you a good opportunity to get a look inside a museum and to learn a whole eight inches (sorry again) worth of penis facts. I now give you your new list of random facts to shout out at parties.
And, no, The Final Member is not sung to the tune of "The Final Countdown." Although, you're welcome for that suggestion.
Check out this exclusive look at the film courtesy of The Wrap. You can hear the bedtime tale of "A Legal Length!" Extra dick jokes not included.
Image: Drafthouse Films