The 14 Unspoken Laws of Sex

Crowdsourcing the Internet for sex advice is always a good time, so let’s see what the good folks of AskReddit are up to today, shall we? Since we’ve already covered the unspoken rules of dating, let’s move on to the unspoken laws of sex. While it’s true that not everyone gets off on the same thing, these are all some basic rules of the road by which it’s generally a good idea to abide. Spoiler alert: Surprise anal is a big no-no. (But hopefully that's something you already know, right?)

1. The Golden Rule


2. Don't Forget to Warm Up First

So important. Foreplay is a lot of fun, too, so why are you in such a hurry to get through it? Enjoy it!

3. Safety First

Also wear condoms when specifically told to do so. In fact, let’s just make it “always wear condoms unless you’re actively trying to conceive with a willing partner and both of you have clean bills of health.” Don't be like this:

4. Stay on Your Personal Hygiene Game

Equal opportunity cleanliness!

5. Be Prepared

Tissues, towels, toilet paper…whatever your preference is, make sure you've got it on hand. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

6. Boromir’s Law

Here, I made you a meme:

7. Give for the Sake of Giving

In the best possible scenario, all parties go into an encounter with this one in mind. Everybody wins!

8. Remember the Order of Operations

This. This. Otherwise, infection. Ouch.

9. Use Your Turn Signal

This is quite possibly my favorite euphemism in the history of euphemisms.

10. Don't Mind the Noisiness

Queefs happen. Yes, they're kind of funny, but no, there isn’t really anything we can do about them. So please, guys: Don’t make us feel self-conscious about them. I’m sure you have an equivalent noise, so we’ll make sure we return the favor.

11. Always Ask

Nothing kills the mood like a terrible, terrible surprise. On that same note:

12. It’s Not a Lottery

…Wow. Can’t say it ever occurred to me that this would be something to watch out for; but then I suppose that’s why these laws are unspoken, yes?

13. Manicures Are Your Friends

Anything sharp should probably stay far, far away during sex — especially if they’re attached to you. Unless, y’know, that’s your thing. In which case, go for it.

14. Above All: Keep the Lines of Communication Open

I love how communication shows up in pretty much every single one of these types of threads. Seriously, people: Talk to each other. Pretty much everything else will go smoothly if you start here.

Image: Ashley Batz/Bustle