9 'True Blood' Sex Scenes That Are Just So Amazingly Weird (NSFW)

We've seen the True Blood supernaturals in a variety of positions and all sorts of locations while doing the nasty — it's a given when watching the show. However, once every couple of episodes, a really special sex scene comes along, one so strange, so bizarre, it makes us all scratch our heads and wonder if anyone in the universe actually has sex that way.

So, here's a memorial for the weird dirt sex, for the insane amounts of high sex, and everything in between. Cheers True Blood, you might not always be well written, but you do always give us interesting ideas to bring home to our boyfriends.

'True Blood' Sex Scenes Through the Seasons

We've seen the True Blood supernaturals in a variety of positions and all sorts of locations while doing the nasty — it's a given when watching the show. However, once every couple of episodes, a really special sex scene comes along, one so strange, so bizarre, it makes us all scratch our heads and wonder if anyone in the universe actually has sex that way.

So, here's a memorial for the weird dirt sex, for the insane amounts of high sex, and everything in between. Cheers True Blood, you might not always be well written, but you do always give us interesting ideas to bring home to our boyfriends.

Jason & Amy Having Crazy Sex on V, Season 1, Ep. 7

That time they were having sex but also glowing and flying into the sky at the same time? Yeah. V seems like acid on steroids, but also, Lizzy Caplan has the most amazing boobs ever. Bitch.

Eric and Sookie Do It in the Forest, Season 4, Ep. 6

Bill arrests Eric, and then he frees him and Eric and Sookie meet in the woods, and of course they immediately get down to it because who DOESN'T want to be fornicating in the woods in the middle of the night? Sookie loves outdoor sex. Like, a lot.

Eric Casually Has Insane Shipping Container Sex WIth His Sister, Season 5, Ep. 1

I should preface this by saying that Nora isn't Eric's sister by blood, but she is his vampire sister and like ... anyone you call sister should by all means be off limits. Also, why does being vampirically related create weird sex situations? THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

Tara & Eggs Have Black Out Maenad-Fuelled Sexy Times, Season 2, generally

Could've happened to anyone: you eat the heart pie, then you get all cray and pupil-y, then you have mad sex with a beautiful muscly sex god who also happens to be a devil worshipper's murderous pawn. Tara and Eggs spent so much of season 2 fucking while fucked up on that crazy Satan power, we can't even specify an episode. And then he died. Oh well. Now it's all about the V (as in vagina) for Tara, but in our hearts, we'll always miss Eggs.

Sam & Nicole Have Lost Their Loves, So Obviously They Have Sex, Season 6, Ep. 5

Oh dear. It's moments like this that make me lose faith in this show. Sam's girlfriend Luna dies, Nicole's boyfriend is ripped apart by werewolves, so there they are, sad and lost in a hotel room ... so the answer to their problems is to have sex, even though Emma is in the next room. What?

That Dream Threesome Between Eric, Bill, & Sookie, Season 4, Ep. 9

At the time, this was all that we, the horny and disgruntled fans, really wanted. If only the rest of us had dreams as steamy as the characters do. I go to sleep and dream about trees talking to me, Sookie gets to go to sleep and see Alexander Skarsgard naked. I feel cheated.

Bill & Lorena Have Weird, Neck-Breaking Hate-Sex, Season 3, Ep. 3

So Lorena is Bill's maker, and he hates the shit out of her, but once she's mind-fucked him into believing he isn't good for Sookie, they get it on, but he still totally hates her, so he bends her face to the back of her head. Oh, the things we would still never do even if we were super strong vampires ...

Sookie & Bill Have 'OMG Thought You Were Dead' Sex in the Dirt, Season 1, Ep. 9

Did we mention this was also in a cemetery? Like I said, Sookie clearly loves sex in public places, albeit weird and unusually remote public places. Not all emotions need to be sexualized, guys: sometimes a hug does the trick.

Glowy Faerie Orgasm with Sookie and Warlow, Season 6, Ep. 6

So Sookie transports to Faerie Wonderland to stop Bill from calling him away, and then she's like ... fuck it: I am a danger-whore so I might as well hop on that D right now. Which is all well and good until HER VAJAYJAY STARTS GLOWING. I mean, we knew that's what orgasms feel like but dayum, I only wish mine looked so ... sparkly. Get it girl, get that cray faerie sparklegasm. Get it.