Newton, MA Is Not The Same As Boston: 21 Things Only Us Natives Understand
Shamefully, when most people ask me where I'm from, I tend to say "Boston." But then I have to backtrack, and explain that I'm actually from one of its suburbs, a little place called Newton, Massachusetts. I'm just trying to save time, but as we natives well know, Newton is not the same thing as Boston — at all. No, growing up in a sea of tudor-style houses just on the edge of Beantown is a singular experience; one that is ultimately impossible to put into words. But that doesn't mean we can't try.
If you grew up in the home of the Jackson Homestead (AKA, the dullest field trip ever), you know what I'm talking about. Here's how you know you're a true Newton native.
You know that this is where John Krasinski is from
Not to mention BJ Novak, Louis CK, Matt Le Blanc, Girls' Alex Karpovsky, Jack Lemmon, and Anne Sexton. Represent.
John is putting that famous Newton school system to some excellent use.
You're positive that you can name all of the 13 villages — until you actually try
Wait, which one's Auburndale again?
Even if you never had a bar/bat mitzvah, you can still recite most of the requisite Hebrew prayers from memory
Ah, weekends in 7th Grade.
The first time you took the T to Harvard Square alone, you felt so effin' cool
....That is, until you realized that there's basically nothing to do in Harvard Square as a minimally-funded preteen
Except buy bubble tea and chill over by the crust punks. (Which is not, like, a terrible way to spend an afternoon.)
These days, you're an expert at catching the last outbound D train of the night
"No no, it leaves Government Center at 12:05; it shouldn't go through Copley until at least 12:23."
… Which means you're also smart enough not to go near the Green Line when the Sox have a home game
If you didn't live near a T stop, you booked it to Newton Auto-Driving School ASAP
But actually, you probably used Brookline Driving School, because all of your friends did.
Or, if you're like me and developed a pathological fear of left-hand turns into oncoming traffic, you just gritted your teeth and walked.
Two Words: Crystal Lake
Need I say more?
You know the only question that matters is "Newton North or Newton South?"
Go Lions! I mean, Tigers! I mean — oh my!
All of your childhood friends went to summer camp in New Hampshire at some point
Or CCSC. Or Meadowbrook.
And You played soccer, even if you hated it
Which means you probably have 900 of those little marble-base trophies disintegrating in an attic somewhere. NGS, FTW!
You spent your entire adolescence within the one square mile that is Newton Centre
There's a Peet's Coffee and a Starbucks, you guys.
And you've definitely been drunk on that playground
Let's be honest — probably a couple of playgrounds. That slide in Newton Corner is epic. (Sorry Mom.)
You've gotten a gumball from the machine at Johnny's Luncheonette
And eaten their sweet potato fries, AKA seen the face of God.
(That mustard sauce...!)
Also, can we talk about that crazy diving mannequin?
You know full well that JP Licks is the best ice cream store, period
Forget the one that's actually, y'know, in JP.
But seriously though, screw Coldstone Creamery.
Most of all, despite occasionally pulling the "I'm from Boston" move, you do have some serious hometown pride
SAFEST CITY IN THE U.S., WUT WUT.
By which I mean you've eaten an entire sleeve of Fig Newtons ... and blamed it on your upbringing
True story: Fig Newtons were totally named after our town.
Isaac Newton, however, is entirely unrelated
Gotta love this town.