Richmond, Virginia: The best city that you could ever want to leave. I kid, I kid. (Well, sort of.) It's just that we Richmonders love to talk about leaving ... only we'd never actually want to do it. Or if we do leave, we tend to secretly wish we could come back. As someone who spent the first 22 years of my life in RVA, I certainly know that there are some things you can only learn if you grew up here. If you're from Richmond, you know what I'm talking about. There are some things only we natives can truly understand.
A School Fieldtrip = Science Museum or Jamestown
Okay, sometimes you got to go to D.C.
No One Wants To Go To Southside
Because no one from north of the river ever feels like driving there. If you lived in Southside as a teenager, none of your friends ever wanted to come pick you up and that probably sucked, didn't it?
You know The Byrd Seats Are Uncomfortable, But That's The Way It Should Be
Sure, you're butt hurts after a movie, but you only paid two dollars to get in. Pain is just part of the experience. (By the way, this is could be about to change.)
The Richmond Braves Were Awesome. The Flying Squirrels, Not So Much
We used to have a proper minor league baseball team. It gave Richmonders something to root for.
You always go to the Watermelon Festival
Even though this thing was better when you were a kid. Now, you end up sweating your ass off in 95 degree heat and talking to acquaintances you have no interest in seeing. (See also: Nearly every other festival in Richmond.)
You know what humidity is
You will encounter people that will tell you that their city is more humid, but they're wrong. Richmond is THE MOST HUMID.
you try to forget that there is an Entire Avenue Dedicated To Statues Of Confederate War Soldiers
Weirdly, you just kinda accept Monument Avenue's presence until you have to explain it to someone from out of town.
Speaking Of ... That Arthur Ashe Statue Is Super Weird
It looks like Richmonder/tennis legend Arthur Ashe is about to beat children with a book and a tennis racket. It started as an eyesore and became a local treasure.
Two Inches Of Snow = no School
One, if you're lucky.
It Will Always Be Ukrop's. Always.
What the eff is Martin's? Ukrop's duchess potatoes. Ukrop's cold pizza slices. Ukrop's salad bar. Ukrop's FOR LIFE. Screw name changes and liberal rules about the sale of alcohol!
Is it Summertime? Then Someone Wants You To Go To The River
Someone wants you to go to the river at all times.
You're probably Really Into PBR
Aka People's Beer of Richmond.
Some Weird Stuff Happened While You Were At Richmond Public Schools
But those giant square rolls at lunch were delicious!
The Bowtie Cinema Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened
"Wait... I don't have to drive 30 minutes to see a movie anymore?"
you think VCU Needs To Stop Taking Over Everything
This statement is true now, at any time in the past, and at any time in the future. So. Many. New. Buildings.
People who Say They're From Richmond When They're Actually From The County are The Worst
County Person: Where are you from?
Richmond Person: Richmond.
County Person: Me too! Where about?
Richmond Person: Church Hill. You?
County Person: Chesterfield.
Richmond Person: Well that's not really in... Um...
You've seen That Old Dude On The Bike Who Quacks At People
Near the Kroger on Lombardy? You know the one.
When The VCU Students Come Back It's Super Annoying
Even if you attended VCU, if you're from Richmond, you hate how all of the students make it impossible to drive. Why don't they know how to cross streets properly?!
Nothing To Do? Go To Carytown.
At least you can make fun of West End ladies for a little.
If Someone Asks If Richmond Is A Big or Small City, You Don't Have A Straightforward Answer
"It's big. I mean... it's like, not that big population wise... but, like, the culture... there's music and stuff... it's small, I guess. I don't know."
Most of all, you may stray, but...
Gotta love this place.