New Guy Fieri Restaurant Menu Will Make All Your Disgusting, Gluttonous Dreams Come True

Looking to gamble on your health? Guy Fieri's Vegas Kitchen & Bar, the Food Network personality's newest ridiculous eatery, has just opened in Sin City, offering totally over-the-top American but also still "fusion"-ized cuisine. I know you've been waiting with bated breath, so I'm pleased to announce that the full menu is finally available online , and it's quite a doozy.

Perhaps you'd like to start with some pepperoni-wrapped breadsticks accompanied by sausage and cheese dip? Then, I'd recommend moving on to a macaroni and cheese-topped bacon burger, or a chicken, sausage, and cheese sandwich for your main course. Still hungry? There are many types of wings to choose from — pre-trimmed into "lollipops" for more efficient bingeing. Don't forget the s'mores Monte Cristo for dessert. Who could resist a marshmallow and chocolate brioche sandwich topped with graham cracker butter?

And the names! Guy-talian Fondue Dippers, Brutha's Badass Caesar Salad, The Mayor of Flavortown Burger, Parmageddon Wings...good luck ordering any of this stuff with a straight face. It goes without saying that this ain't exactly health food. Frankly, Fieri's fare sounds about half a step up from your ordinary Chili's menu — not necessarily to insult the latter, as I am a huge fan of both their chicken crispers and the similarly over-the-top Quesadilla Explosion Salad. But people don't exactly visit Las Vegas to exercise moderation, so maybe Guy Fieri's Vegas Kitchen & Bar is just what that town wants. Read the menu yourself or full effect, though — I just can't really do it justice.

Just keep your expectations low — if the reviews of Fieri's Times Square restaurant are any indicator, the Vegas joint is likely also to be over-hyped and underwhelming. I'm at least pleased to be reminded of the Guy's American Kitchen & Bar parody menu that made the Internet rounds when Guy Fieri opened that Times Square location last year. It may have been just a bunch of stolen Twitter jokes, but they are pretty good nonetheless. The scathing New York Times review of Guy's American Kitchen & Bar is also not to be missed – we can only hope that some Vegas paper follows suit soon. In the words of Fieri himself, love, peace, and taco grease, folks!