Bird Poop Is to Thank for This Face

by Alex Kritselis

From sassy, fun bird tote bags that express your unique personality to Flappy Bird and even the new animated kids movie Rio 2, there is no doubt about it: birds are hot right now. How hot are they? Well, birds are so hot right now that One Direction band member Harry Styles just got a — wait for it — steamin' hot bird poop facial. Oh yes, I’m being 100 percent for serious.

The Daily Mail reports that Styles, who is without a doubt the best, cutest, funniest, and most talented/most breathtaking member of One Direction, has allegedly been indulging in the growing “Geisha facial” trend, where people pay good money to have nightingale droppings smeared all over their skin in attempt to fight acne and reduce wrinkles. Supposed Geisha facial devotees include celebrities like Tom Cruise and Victoria Beckham. Ooh, la la!

You guys, people are puttin’ bird poop on their faces and they are loving it. The future is now! According to The Daily Mail, this is how it (supposedly) works: first, some poos are mixed up with a little rice bran and water to form a special poo mixture. Then, that special poo mixture is applied to your face and allowed to “soak into the pores” for an hour for maximum poo effectiveness. Nightingale poos contain enzymes that are said to “break down dead skin” and perk up “complexions that have been damaged by ageing and sun exposure.” Traditionally, this treatment was used to help Japanese geishas remove makeup! The mixture doesn’t smell like poo, and it leaves skin with a “shimmery, iridescent” poo glow. …Sign me up? Poo.

I can't believe my good fortune today — nothing is funnier than bird poop. Apparently, Styles is concerned that the makeup he’ll have to wear during One Directions’ upcoming world tour will wreak havoc on his skin. I can’t blame him. As anyone will tell you, having acne is no fun. But paying top dollar to have someone put bird poo on your face? That just seems a little extreme. But as I said, birds are just so darn hot right now.

Personally, I would probably run to Walgreens and pick up some Neutrogena before I let someone paint my face with fresh poo, but who am I to judge Styles’ new beauty regimen? He’s just trying to be the best Harry Styles that he possibly can be for his loving, devoted fans, and that's all we can ask for, really. If the treatment works, who knows, you might find me outside makin' bird calls, trying to get a diseased pigeon to poop on my face for free! If it's good enough for Styles, it's probably good enough for me.

Put a bird on it, everyone.

Images: 4gifs/tumblr; omgzarry/tumblr