Sarah Jessica Parker, a 'Sex & The City' Fraud

Some things are just unacceptable. Unacceptable. Sarah Jessica Parker — Sarah Jessica Parker — has never had tequila. At least until recently. Sarah Jessica Parker. Carrie Bradshaw would be so ashamed. She's probably breaking up with her portrayer via post-it and/or revenge sex with Big as we speak.

And sure, Carrie Bradshaw — and, by proxy, Sarah Jessica Parker circa the late '90s and early 2000s — was far more well-known for her cosmopolitans. But lady practically invented the cosmo, y'know? Carrie was a renowned party girl, socialite, and questionable belt-wearer frolicking throughout Manhattan for the better part of two decades. But the lady who played her didn't try tequila until Saturday, April 26, 2014, when a non-famous overheard her in the Meatpacking district telling a friend that night was the first time she'd tried it? It's almost like fiction and real life are two separate things, and I am not in the headspace to deal with that today.

And sure, Sarah Jessica Parker isn't Carrie Bradshaw — she's just an actress who portrayed her on TV and in a few ill-advised wide-release movies — but she is still responsible for carrying her essence through the world. God knows we can't trust The Carrie Diaries to do that, especially since it's seconds from cancellation.

This is just all too much.

Image: HBO