How many of you remember your first period? The first time always feels like a rite of passage, doesn't it? It's like your initiation into adulthood. No one can tell you any different. According to the most bare bones biology, you are a woman now—grown and sexy.
Except not quite. Still got that pubescent awkwardness.
But at least we can suffer as a unit, right? I know what you're thinking...
Solidarity is not necessarily solace. Periods are still a pain regardless. It's like your uterus is just throwing a bitch fit that lasts anywhere from three (if you're lucky) to seven (if you're not) days.
Your ovaries feel like they're imploding.
Your body balloons to whale-like proportions.
And suddenly, your idea of what you're going to look like that week goes from this:
In all fairness, you were probably going to put on sweatpants anyway, but Nature has spoken and you no longer even have a choice in the matter. Skirts and sundresses? Forget about it. Not when you're wearing granny panties.
Is it just me or does our tolerance for stupid questions also dramatically lower?
Men are particularly gross offenders, asking inane questions such as "Are you on your period?" and "Are you OK?"
In those five days where you find yourself in biological purgatory, just know: Chocolate is always there for you.
Another pick-me-up about periods is at least you know that's another month where your womb is baby-free! We've all had that moment where Mother Nature arrives fashionably late. Not fun.
So, if you're stuck on your period, just remember to be thankful.
Even when she arrives in crimson waves of Exodus proportions.
And just think, when menopause relieves you of your period, you can point at the young girls like Oprah.
Hang in there, ladies.
Image: Getty Images; Giphy