Kentucky Derby Horse Names Include 'Uncle Sigh' & 'Candy Boy,' So We Ranked Them From Best To Weirdest

The Kentucky Derby, a time to drink mint juleps, wear fabulous hats, and I guess watch some horses race, will be Saturday, May 3 in Louisville, Kentucky. The Kentucky Derby is the fastest two minutes in sports, when a tested group of three-year-old Thoroughbreds race around a track for one-and-a-quarter miles for the honor of getting a blanket of roses draped on their back. On race day, 19 horses will take to the track.

To get to know them better, we've organized them — not by their season ranking, or the odds they're facing on Saturday, but purely by the awesomeness of their names. It is a scientific process determined by how much fun they are to yell after you've had 3-5 mint juleps. (After five mint juleps, we recommend taking a break and indulging in some burgoo, the traditional stew served at the Derby. We do not recommend using this list as a guide for betting, since it is compiled with absolutely no horse-y knowledge whatsoever.

1. Uncle Sigh

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This horse is so bored by the Derby, he's like "Sigh." His owner will show support for Wounded Warrior Stables on Saturday, when Uncle Sigh will wear blinkers with a purple heart.

2. Dance with Fate

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This is a great horse name. It calls to mind all the danger and craziness of horse-racing. Unsurprisingly, people are saying Dance with Fate is a horse to watch on Saturday.

3. We Miss Artie

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This horse is named in memory of the owner's family who recently passed away. It has the added advantage of being completely unique. He's never won a race on a conventional dirt track, but maybe Saturday will be his day.

4. Samraat

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Samraat, a term for a nobleman in India, also goes by the nickname "Cool Hand Luke." Now you know.

5. Candy Boy

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His father's name was Candy Boy. Also, candy!

6. Vicar's in Trouble

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We're not sure how Vicar's in Trouble got his name, but he'll be ridden by a female jockey on Saturday, a rarity in the Derby and definitely something worth cheering.

7. Intense Holiday

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His dad's name was Harlan's Holiday. He's like that, but more intense.

8. Harry's Holiday

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Like an intense holiday, but less intense.

9. Ride on Curlin

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His dad's name was Curlin, making his name a little boring, but we still think "Ride on Curlin" is a top contender when it comes to fun names to yell.

10. Danza

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This horse is literally named after Tony Danza. No, we're not kidding.

11. California Chrome

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California Chrome is a favorite to win the Kentucky Derby, but his name's a little flashy for us. We like his owners' name better: they actually go by Dumb-Ass Partners.

12. General A Rod

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This horse doesn't take his name from the famous baseball player. He's actually named after his first owner, Armando Rodriguez.

13. Vinceremos

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Vinceremos is Latin for conquer or overcome. It's a good, strong name, and he's a pretty cool horse: The inspiration for his name comes in part from a therapeutic riding center called Vinceremos for the challenges its clients take on.

14. Chitu

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Chitu is relatively fun to say, and he's named after one of China's all-time greatest racehorses.

15. Wildcat Red

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This guy had a reddish coat when he was a youngin', and his dad's name was D'wildcat. Honestly, we like D'wildcat better. More fun to shout.

16. Tapiture

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Tapiture's dad's name is Tapit, so perhaps we can give his owner a pass for naming this horse after equipment (taps) that you use to, you know, ride a horse.

17. Commanding Curve

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Another horse with a name that is just a bit too descriptive. Who will command the curves? Why, Commanding Curve, of course! Still, this horse barely made it into the field, so he's a bit of an underdog. And everybody loves an underdog.

18. Wicked Strong

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This horse isn't just strong. He's wicked strong. This guy's representing Boston on Saturday, and his owner's promised 5 percent of his Triple Crown winnings to victims of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings, according to the Baltimore Sun.

19. Medal Count

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You named your racehorse Medal Count? Really? Regardless of his somewhat absurd name, Med — can we call you Med? — is known for being the dark horse of the competition, and has come from behind to win in his best races.