It has officially been 30 years since the John Hughes classic Sixteen Candles hit theaters and made a small, comfortable crater in which we could cuddle up and feel nostalgic for years to come. It was warm, acidic, sweet, funny. It was also definitely pretty actively offensive in some ways, but since it's its birthday and the movie's all about crafting a good birthday, we'll let that slide (for now).
In the John Hughes catalog, Sixteen Candles stands on similar ground with Pretty In Pink: Generally fondly remembered, but with a distinct lag behind the forever worshiped Breakfast Club. And while it's likely Sixteen Candles will never quite catch up to the sheer Brat Packity of that Saturday detention, we should all agree on one thing: Sixteen Candles had an enormous affect on the way we see the world.
And so, on this the day of Sixteen Candles' 30th birthday — and Samantha Baker's 46th?! — we look back on all the ways Sixteen Candles ruined our lives. The expectations this movie gave us stuck with us for way too long. It's a fun movie but dang! It certainly has a way of giving one false hope.
It made us forever paranoid of people forgetting our birthdays
And forever in search of a Jake Ryan who'd actually someday notice us
THE DREAM. But usually? Yeah, usually the Jake Ryans remain pretty oblivious.
It made us think all lecherous creeps are hilarious
When really they just kind of suck.
But somehow they made it all seem kind of charming?
But lecherous is never charming in real life.
It made us scared to get drunk with any frenemies
Because yikes, that haircut was rough.
Its illustration of the awkwardness of crushes was way too real for its own good
And it was torture to watch.
And they didn't tell us that it doesn't go away after high school
Awkwardness is here to stay.
And they didn't tell us we'd be stuck relating to Sam for far too long
And stuck interacting with people like Sam's sister for the rest of our lives
And that moments like this are few and far between
So, thanks Sixteen Candles! Our lives have never been the same.
Images: Universal; Tumblr