Harry Pulled Down His Pants And...

One Direction’s Harry Styles pulled down his pants at a concert in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and it’s all too much for my weak heart to take. The 20-year-old Styles unzipped and seductively peeled down his trademark black skinny jeans to show the crowd the new “Brasil!” tattoo on his upper thigh, which he presumably got to commemorate his recent time spent in the country. The fans went wild. I went wild. And then I clutched my chest in pain and frantically fumbled around for the Life Alert pendant that I unfortunately do not wear around my neck (yet). What is Styles trying to do to me? What is Styles trying to do to us?

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I was going to suffer such devastating heart palpitations, but that’s exactly what happened when I was innocently perusing the web for some juicy celebrity gossip. The first thing I saw was the GIF.

I immediately pointed my browser to the Google home page and began to mash my keyboard like I had never mashed before — I had to find out who it was.

That’s when I had a realization: I had seen that bony bod somewhere before, but where? He’s holding a microphone — he must be a singer! Just then, it hit me like a ton of bricks: no musical group on Earth values headline-grabbing, homoerotic on-stage shenanigans as much as One Direction. This was most definitely a 1D band member. But which one?

Not Niall, he’s too innocent. Liam? Nah, he’s too reserved. Zayn? Nope, he’s too quiet. Louis? Surely Louis must know that no one’s really looking for that sort of thing from him, yes? That only left one possibility: Harry. Could it be that KING Harry Styles, the world’s most perfect man and my one true love had blessed fans with such a scandalous display? Holding my breath, I read the headline: "Watch the moment Harry Styles pulls down his trousers to flash intimate groin tattoo." Great Scott!

Real talk: Styles has a lot of… interesting ink on his body already. We don’t know for sure that his newest “Brasil!” tattoo is the real deal, but I kind of hope that it isn’t. I mean, sure, it was probably cool for Styles to show it to his Brazilian fans for a fleeting instant, but tattoos are for life, y'all! And with that, we’ve reached the end of my mom-style cautionary tattoo PSA. But stay tuned for my mom-style cautionary appropriateness PSA!

Doesn’t Styles realize that the majority of his fans are young girls?? Was pulling down his pants in concert a smart move? Always know your audience! I must say, if I were a parent at the show, I might’ve been a little miffed by Styles' actions. Thankfully, however, I’m not a parent — I’m just a shameless, adult, One Direction fan.

What will those crazy One Direction fellas do next?

Image: imgur