Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie's Disney-Themed Wedding Better Include a 'Frozen' Reference
Having successfully transformed herself from that goth chick who wore vials of blood and macked on her brother at awards shows into the philanthropic embodiment of Mother's Day, Angelina Jolie might walk down the aisle a Disney princess. And/or a Disney queen. And/or covered in exploded paintball pellets? Who knows! It's all up in the air, because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are letting their kids plan their wedding. Which is adorable. And almost guaranteed to culminate in a sugar coma.
As Jolie told People recently:
We are discussing it with the children and how they imagine it might be. Which is verging on hysterical, how kids envision a wedding...They will, in a way, be the wedding planners. It's going to be Disney or paintball—one or the other!
Genius! Or chaos in the making! Likely both!
So what does a wedding planned by kids aged 5-12 look like? Is it advisable? Does it really matter if it's advisable considering how much fun it sounds like? Is there a high-paid Hollywood wedding planner involved, recruited after the West-Kardashian wedding and experiencing severe tone whiplash?
Who the hell knows. But the possibilities of this wedding sure are fun to picture, considering it's an event we have absolutely no chance of ever getting an invite to. Here's what I hope happens:
Angelina as Queen Elsa
We kind of can't buy Angelina Jolie playing along as a Disney princess — it just doesn't seem like her bag. A Disney queen, though? Hell yeah. Queen Elsa strikes a good (and zeitgeisty) balance. Considering the sheer number of kids in that household it's a good bet that at least two of them are bonkers obsessed with Frozen right about now.
Brad As Indiana Jones
If I know people coming of age partially in the '80s a la Brad and Angelina (and I do), they have forced their kids to watch Indiana Jones. And if I know groups of children who have seen Indiana Jones, at least a couple of them are not letting it go. If Brad doesn't dress up like Indie I'd put some bets on one of the other kids taking a swipe at that costuming opportunity. We'd also like to nominate Angelina's Tomb Raider persona to join the pack of possibilities.
Truly epic bouncy castles errywhere
You're telling us that if you were a child with near-infinite financial resources that you wouldn't beseech your parents to bring in the best bouncy castles in the biz? We don't believe you. These kids might be some of the only people in the world with the power to potentially turn all of Disneyland itself into a giant bouncy castle, and we must bow down to that power.
A performance from Adele Dazeem
You know business cards were passed back and forth behind the scenes at the Oscars. Idina Menzel is definitely a candidate to perform at that wedding. She even used to be a professional wedding singer!
A Metric Crapton Of Sweets
Yeah, sugar comas would definitely be a problem at an event planned by a group of 5-12 year-olds.
A Really Fantastical Obstacle Course
Paintball! Water sports! Trampolines! Bumper cars! They really should just hold this wedding at a theme park.
Just some ideas to get you started, Shiloh, Maddox, Pax, Viv, Knox, and Zahara.
Images: Wikia; Giphy