Not only can our favorite hero cat Tara save the lives of 4-year-olds, she might also be able to throw a baseball — proving that dogs drool and cats, indeed, rule. The world's favorite cat for the past few days will be throwing the first pitch at a minor league baseball game next week, alongside 4-year-old Jeremy Triantafilo, whose life she saved from a ferocious dog. It's unclear who will be throwing the ball — the 4-year-old who probably doesn't even know how to aim or the cat who lacks opposable thumbs — but my money is on Tara.
The Bakersfield Blaze, an affiliate of the Cincinnati Reds, reached out to hero cat's people with the hopes that the cat would throw the ceremonial first pitch, and somehow she agreed. (Because apparently, she is now a superior cat being who can now speak and give consent?) Mark your calendars for May 20 — the day we'll all either be impressed with the cat's throwing abilities, roll our eyes at the idea of a cat throwing a pitch, or just ignore the adorable kitten news.
But, if Tara is the one who throws the ball, how will she do it? Large, extendable claws? A huge baseball glove designed for cat paws? Or maybe even a large robot that she can control with different controls (think those battle suits from James Cameron's Avatar, but minus the firearms)?
Here are five ways that the hero cat can pull off this first pitch:
1. Extendable, durable claws
2. Cat-only baseball gloves
Alright, so maybe the extendable claws with make it more difficult for Tara to walk. Whatever, that's fine, she has other options. For instance, what about a baseball glove designed with cats in mind? If "her people" — presumably her owners — act fast, they may be able to get someone to design the cat a new baseball glove just for Tara. Louis Vuitton already makes baseball caps, why not gloves? Just think about how cute she would look with a baseball glove on. The only question is: Does she throw with her right hand or left hand?
3. James Cameron's Avatar style
Dream big. Sure, it might be difficult for the typical person, let alone the typical cat, to get his or her hands on this high-tech battle suit — but do you know how popular Tara is right now? She can get anything she wants right now, probably. All she has to do is show someone that video of her saving Jeremy's life and look at them with those big cat eyes, and she's in.
Now, the battle suit may be a little extreme for a minor league game, but hopefully these boys will be more impressed by the cool robot cat on the field than scared. Let's get real: This would be awesome.
4. Frisbee throw it
Maybe dogs are right about something. If Tara could just get the baseball into her mouth and just whip her head about like a human would throw a frisbee, then this pitch could work. Sure, this will get the ball about two inches away from her, but if you're looking for a way that won't require millions of dollars or that won't change her physical appearance, this is one of the only ways.
Dogs may drool, but they're right about their obsessions with frisbees. It's effective.
5. Ram it like a bull
Is it considered a pitch if the ball doesn't leave the ground? Probably not, but this adorable hero cat can do whatever she wants. So, the most practical option must be to place the baseball on the pitcher's mound and then run furiously towards it, giving the ball enough momentum to reach the catcher.
It might not be a pitch, but what else do you expect when you ask a cat to throw the ceremonial first pitch?
Image: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation