Look, I'm not your Catholic grandmother. You can get whatever tattoo you want, where you want it. I'm not here to judge you for your tramp stamp of a butterfly. But please, please do not get a tattoo on your teeth. There is just no way you won't regret it about five minutes after you've exited the dentist's chair and reflected upon what you've just done.
Never heard of tattooed teeth? Neither had I, but apparently the procedure has been around for about a decade.
According to dentist Steven Landman of Ellington Dental Associates in Connecticut, people are now getting their teeth inked. While this is the first (and hopefully last) we've heard of it, Landman says he has been performing this procedure for the past decade. It gets even weirder/funnier: in order to have the procedure done on your pearly whites, they can't actually be pearly whites. "Tatteeth," as it's being called, is only meant for patients who are in need of a dental crown. How it works is a dentist takes an impression of the tooth where the crown will later be fitted. The tooth mold is then sent to a dental lab where the design is added. For $75 to $200, you can have your favorite art work on your teeth. And the possibilities are endless—people have gotten Homer Simpson, the Oakland Raider's logo, and cats.
If you are really dying to have the symbol of your favorite Hogwarts house from Harry Potter tattooed on your teeth, I won't stop you. But you are going to permanently look like you need to brush your teeth from across the dinner table, so you might as well cancel every date on your calendar. And forget smiling with your mouth open in photographs, lest you want to everyone thinking you had a chunk of salsa on one tooth when your wedding or graduation photos were taken.
Furthermore, you can't forget about a tattoo on your teeth. You will see it just about every time you stand in front of a mirror and you'll get sick of looking at it that much faster. These are your teeth, so do what you will. Just don't say I didn't warn you.