Apartment Hunting Tips You've Never Heard Before

If you’ve ever found yourself in the position of needing to find a new apartment, then you know how cutthroat the real estate market can be. But don’t worry — help is here, and it only takes a minute of your time to reap its rewards!

The Onion’s latest video offers easy, step-by-step instructions on how to find just the right apartment for your budget and style. Their font of knowledge includes such priceless tips as making sure to wear your college graduation robes to every meeting with your realtor, knowing the right questions to ask (like “how much?”, followed closely by “are you f**king kidding me?!”), and being an affluent white person. VH1 Pop-Up Video-style tidbits offer a few additional pointers you won’t want to miss, so make sure you’ve got your eagle eyes on. Thanks, The Onion! Finding the perfect home has never been easier!

OK, so obviously the video is a parody — this is The Onion we’re talking about here. It is, however, the perfect sendup of how tough it can be to find an apartment that’s safe, convenient, affordable, and hopefully not totally hideous. I’ve been insanely lucky when it comes to finding apartments: My first apartment after finishing school hit all the right boxes; the rent only went up once during the six years I spent living there; and on top of all that, it was the first apartment I looked at and I was able to sign the lease by the end of the day (unheard of!). Then, when I finally moved out of New York, I just moved into my SO’s place — no need to find a new spot. I’ve watched plenty of friends struggle with the many trials and tribulations of apartment hunting, though, so I feel for each and every one of you currently in this boat. Hopefully this video will bring a little levity to the proceedings.

The biggest apartment hunting tip I can offer, though, is one The Onion doesn’t mention: If you live in New York, don’t bother with a realtor or broker. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, there are loads of tools out there that will allow you to safely and efficiently conduct your own apartment search without the usually absurd fee most brokers charge: Lifehacker has assembled what’s probably the only list of apartment search tools you’ll ever need; LearnVest gets into the nitty-gritty of exactly what you should do and in what order when prepping to find a place to live; and Cracked, being Cracked, has a helpful and hilarious checklist of things everyone usually forgets to check when apartment hunting (rule number one: Document everything).

Now go forth and hunt!