Entertainment

Girl Bands That Knew What They Were Talking About

by Caitlyn Callegari

What do you do when your family is in the middle of a highly publicized and ultra humiliating scandal? You reunite with your main girls and sing about it, obvs. Rumor has it that the Destiny's Child trio reunited in New Jersey (sorry LaTavia, LaToya, and Farrah), all in the name of shooting a music video. A music video. That's right, Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams were reportedly all together, dancing in front of the cameras. And thank goodness, because we could really use another pop power anthem at the moment. I'm serious!

If you're feeling a little low on your female empowerment (but like, you shouldn't) maybe you should turn to the goddesses of the '90s and early 2000s and seek their wisdom through catchy ass lyrics and some happening dance moves. It always makes me feel better. I bet it makes Beyoncé feel better, too. And frankly, I don't know, or care to know, anyone who isn't uplifted by a Destiny's Child song, or any other inspirational, bubble-gum pop ballad. They're still relevant today, too. Trust me.

While we wait for news on this D.C. reunion, here's a list of girl group songs that are still applicable to your current, everyday life. This sort of music never really goes out of style:

UNSURE IF YOU'RE REALLY FEELING THAT PERSON YOU'VE BEEN CANOODLING WITH?

We think we understood what the Spice Girls were getting at here, despite the really suggestive innuendo (accent/culture barrier?) — if they can't get along with your friends than they just ain't worth having.

ARE YOU DATING/BEFRIENDING A TOTAL SLEAZY MOOCH?

KICK THEM TO THE CURB, GIRL. You don't need a good for nothing type a brother (mother, sister, etc).

PAYING FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S STUPID MISTAKES?

DON'T. Why do that when you can compare and contrast OR make a metaphorical venn diagram?

WITH SOMEONE WHO ACTS DIFFERENTLY TOWARDS YOU AROUND THEIR FRIENDS?

NO MORE. You obviously can't trust anyone who would offer to buy you Kate Spade in the 8th grade. Playa, please.

TIRED OF YOUR MONOTONOUS POST-GRAD LIFE?

Follow these steps: Slam it to the left, shake it to the right, something about meeting a man in Timbuktu and a tribal spaceman... and ah, yes! Hold tight!

FEELING STIFLED BY PREJUDICES AND PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS?

Free your mind! ~The rest will follow~

INSECURE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?

*Sobbing* It's about inner beauty, guys. Plus, MAC is really expensive.

WANT TO DANCE WITH RECKLESS ABANDON?

*Disclaimer* Only if you're a sexy person or a fly motherfucker. All others need not apply.

CAN'T PROPERLY EXPRESS HOW AWESOME YOU ARE ALL ON YOUR OWN?

Girl, I did know you could get down like that. Good for you.

So come on, Destiny's Child. Give us more music so we can add to this list. Please?