Mysterious Lights Over Hawaii Were Caused By A Missile Launch... Sure, Department Of Defense, Sure

Residents of the nation's sunniest state were alarmed Tuesday night when they looked up to see strange lights over Hawaii of unknown origin. The squiggly, UFO-like trail of light in the sky was visible across the Hawaiian islands; people reported seeing them in Oahu, Maui, Kauai, and Lanai, according to Hawaii News Now. But — spoiler alert — it turns out that the lights were the result of a missile test conducted by the Department of Defense, which reliably shows up with its facts every time somebody whispers the word "UFO."

The Department of Defense says that the lights were caused by a launch from the Kauai Pacific Missile Range Facility. In a statement, the DoD claimed the lights were NBD.

During the test, a simulated ballistic missile target was acquired, tracked, and engaged by the Aegis Weapon System. Several fire control and engagement functions were exercised during the test.

It was the first test of the Aegis Ashore system, and rest easy, Hawaiians: the test was successful.

Well, we're not having it. We've come up with a few alternatives to the official DoD story to shake things up a bit. Believe what you want to believe, sheeple!

1. Signs is Real, People

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Need we say more?

2. A Night-Skywriter Handed Over the Reins to a Five-Year-Old

Likely, except that's not really a thing.

3. Rudolph Got Lost

Bethany Clarke/Getty Images News/Getty Images

That red-nosed devil's always gettin' into trouble.

4. Area 51 is real, people

Could aliens at Area 51 have escaped and flown to Hawaii where they signaled islanders with zigzag lights? Maybe. I said it, didn't I?

5. Obama's Real Birth Certificate Escaped on Wing

Will we ever know the truth?

6. Will and Jaden Smith Were Signaling Patterns to Each Other

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

It's all about the patterns.

7-100. Vladimir Putin was riding a meteor over Hawaii

The evidence for this one is staring you in the face.

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