If you've ever lost a dog or a beloved pet, you know that the experience isn't an easy one. This is especially the case if you happen to associate the animal with a final chapter in your life. For Real Housewives of New York's Sonja Morgan, losing her 18-year-old dog, Millou, was just that — the end of an era. After suffering through a messy and bitter divorce, running into money troubles, and subsequently losing her house, the loss of Millou seemed officially end Sonja's life as a Morgan.
But, clearly, our girl Sonja wasn't letting that era go without an overly extravagant and elaborate send-off. If there's one thing Sonja knows how to do, it's make literally any situation into a raunchy and somewhat inappropriate celebration. And, yes, that even includes her own dog's funeral (memorial service?). They say that everyone grieves in their own way and Sonja really drove the point home in this emotional and slightly uncomfortable "Requiem For A Poodle." (An awesome episode title, I might add.)
So, I've taken the liberty of documenting how a housewife should properly grieve for a pet:
1. CALL ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND MAKE SURE THEY WEAR CUTE OUTFITS TO THE MEMORIAL SERVICE.
Because what dogs value most is fashion.
2. HOLLER AT YOUR SPIRITUAL HEALER.
Someone has to get poor Millou out of that god damn box.
3. TELL RAMONA HOW MUCH SHE'S SUCKED LATELY.
Spoiler Alert: A lot.
4. DISCUSS IN-DEPTH SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH AVIVA'S FATHER AND HIS 25-YEAR-OLD FIANCÉ... AT A DINNER WITH AVIVA.
This even made me feel bad for Aviva.
5. HOLD A FUNERAL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, COMPLETE WITH A LIFE-SIZED PORTRAIT OF SAID PET, CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, AND A DECLARATION OF THE DECEASED DOG'S SEXUALITY.
6. SPREAD DOG'S ASHES IN THE RIVER DURING A WINDSTORM, SUBSEQUENTLY GETTING THE REMAINS ALL OVER YOUR DRESS AND THE SIDEWALK BELOW.
Oh Millou, I am so sorry. May you rest in peace.