Winning Miss USA 2014 Is Only Sorta Shabby

by Laura Rosenfeld

Fix that hair, put some vaseline on those teeth, and make sure that spray tan is on point. The 2014 Miss USA pageant is upon us, and you're going to want to make sure you're looking fabulous for this gorge group of ladies repping the good old U.S. of A. They may not be able to see you on the other side of the TV, but they can sense if you're wearing sweatpants or Crocs, so you best dress for success.

While there's definitely going to be a lot of emphasis on how the contestants look during the competition, there really is more to it than being just a pretty face. You've got to have the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent... Oh wait, wrong show. Still, the Miss USA contestants have to keep their composure, poise, and confidence in front of millions of people watching. Not to mention they've got to try to not to sound like an idiot on national television, which some contestants have not been so lucky with. The Miss USA contestants may make it look easy, but it does really take some hard work to look this good. At least that's what TV tells us.

So is all of that effort really worth it? Besides "the memories and friends to last a lifetime" spiel, does the woman crowned Miss USA get anything sweet out of the deal? You could say that. In addition to competing in the Miss Universe pageant later on this year and get to wear an awesome costume, here's some of the best prizes Miss USA 2014 will go home with. Is it too late to sign up?

"Luxury accommodations in an apartment in NYC, including living expenses and a salary"

Being Miss USA is a full-time job, so naturally the lucky winner will get paid like it and live it up in one of the most expensive cities in the country. We wonder if Donald Trump will be her neighbor?

"Gifts from the official sponsors"

Girl is gonna have haircare products, spray tanner, and shoes coming out the wazoo.

"Consultation with a professional wardrobe stylist and access to an appearance wardrobe"

The stylist may not be as fabulous as Miss Congeniality's Victor, but then again, who is?

"A one-year scholarship from the New York Film Academy"

So she can become the next Kenya Moore, Shanna Moakler, or Tara Conner.

"Professional skin and hair care services as well as fitness services throughout reign"

How else are you supposed to make being a band geek look so good?

"Representation by the Miss Universe Organization and Rubenstein Public Relations"

Seeing as how there's often a lot of controversy surrounding the Miss USA winner, she may find this to be the best prize ever.

"Modeling portfolio by leading fashion photographer, Fadil Berisha"

Rule No. 1 of pageantry: Never leave home without a glamour shot.

"The chance to travel the country as a goodwill ambassador"

Let's just hope she doesn't get the airport welcome former Miss USA Susie Castillo received in 2011.

"A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that opens professional doors that would not otherwise be accessible"

Read: At least one reality TV show appearance will be in her future.

Of course, there is the part where Miss USA can't get married or pregnant "during her reign" — so maybe not having all these amenities at your disposal isn't so bad.

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