A Definitive Ranking of 'Arrested Development's Dads From Sorta Okay to Well, GOB
There are good dads, there are bad dads, and then there are the dads from Arrested Development. Sometimes blissfully ignorant, sometimes outright evil, always mind-blowingly hilarious, the AD dads make some questionable parenting decisions, to put it mildly. So to celebrate Father's Day Arrested Development-style, what better way than to rank all of them from Eh... Sort of Decent to Didn't Know Their Child Existed. Yeah, there isn't exactly a positive end of the spectrum here.
Considering what relentless, selfish weirdos their dads are, it's kind of a miracle that Maeby and George Michael turned out as normally as they did. Even though, in Season 4, they find themselves seducing undercover cops (Maeby), lying about their identities (George Michael), dressing up as gurus (Maeby), and punching their fathers in the face (George Michael), they still didn't turn out just as messed up as they could have. And boy, could they have turned out messed up. I mean, just look at Buster!
I know no one is perfect. But most dads don't use their children in pharmaceutical-sponsored folk bands, or leave them to be raised by their identical twin brother and sister-in-law/former lover. Oh, or not know they exist at all... poor Steve Holt.
Not that the Bluth moms are any better. In fact, Lucille and Lindsay actually might be even worse. But there are so many epically terrible fathers in the Bluth family, it only seems right to definitively decide, just in time for Father's Day, who is the worst Bluth Dad of all.
Here, ranked from best to worst, are the dads of Arrested Development.
Let's get this straight: Michael Bluth is not a good father. He tries to be... sometimes. When it's convenient for him. But he is, by default, the best out of all the Bluth dads, if only because he actually knows his son and cares about him, even if he sometimes doesn't fully listen to him, or if he occasionally sleeps with his son's girlfriends, or traumatizes him... look, I said he's not a good father!
Bad Parenting Level: Accidentally leaving his son's girlfriend in Mexico.
Tobias is only this high on the list by virtue of being blissfully unaware of what a completely inept parent he is. Besides occasionally forgetting he has a daughter, or calling her a Frankenstein monster when he thinks she's not listening, or literally not caring that she's constantly running off to live a double life as a studio executive, Tobias really does mean well. Or maybe that's just the Zanotab.
Bad Parenting Level: Mrs. Featherbottom jumping off the balcony to try and charm Maeby.
Do you know how genuinely bad the other men in your family have to be at parenting that you could have sex with your brother's wife, conceive a child, abandon him for years, and STILL be in the top three best dads in your family? Look, at least Oscar comes back and tries to be involved in Buster's life. His brother knows he has kids and he outright dislikes half of them. It's a lesser of two evils sort of thing.
Bad Parenting Level: Killing Buster's turtle.
George Bluth, Sr.
When committing "light" treason is only one of the worst things you've ever done, you know you've got a problem. The patriarch of the Bluth family managed to mess his kids up so badly that Michael is the normal one. GOB and Lindsay's daddy issues are so monumental that neither of them are even aware of their own children (literally, in one case, though I'll get to that in a second).
Bad Parenting Level: Calling Buster a turd.
The daddy of all bad daddies, GOB had no idea he even had a son until he and Steve Holt met accidentally. And once he found out, he pretty much balked at the responsibility. I don't know what else I can say, besides:
Bad Parenting Level: Steve Holt's hairline in Season 4