Justin Timberlake Releases His "Take Back the Night" Video, and We Do a Second-By-Second React

Sometimes, watching a music video can be lonely, even when it's a Justin Timberlake video and your love for The 20/20 Experience singer runs so deep it fills the room with a fuzzy glow. (Or maybe that's just me.) There is so much ridiculousness going on all the time, it feels intrinsic — necessary, even, to have a running commentary, despite having a lack of audience/friends/cats to talk it through with.

So here my take on Timberlake's newest video for his single "Take Back the Night." Feel to do a call and response-type thing, get on that TextAloud grind, and we can talk it through together. Because everyone loves Timberlake, and this video is kinda ridiculous, so you deserve to have a buddy, even if it means talking to a screen. No shame.

0:11: Why is Justin wearing a bullet-proof vest over his button up? We can't all be 50 Cent, buddy.

0:19: And now he is dancing in Chinatown?

0:35: Oh my GOD, these camera angles. Who is shooting this, a giant? Also, that store would be getting so much business if it weren't for the fact that the sign is written in Chinese. If only I were multi-lingual, then I could dance in front of the same store as Timberlake! DREAM COME TRUE. Chinese-speakers, get in touch, and help a sister out.

0:45: Aaaand now he is being dance-challenged by a child? WTF part of Chinatown was he in?


1:03: Wait — he just took that child away from his guardian. Is Timberlake abducting that child right now?

1:10: Nah, they're just dancing and hugging complete strangers. Because that totally happens in Chinatown/anywhere in NYC.

1:23: Wow. That's a lot of fans.

1:26: NOW HE DITCHED THE KID WITH STRANGERS. Dude... that's so questionable.

1:38: Okay, but seriously — what is with these weird-ass black and white shirts. Armpit triangles? Really?

1:55: Props for keeping all those white shoes clean though. That takes effort.

2:16: I really wish I was as cool as Justin Timberlake. Maybe then I'd know about underground clubs hidden by parlors of old people. Le sigh.

2:35: Is it just me or is JT dancing like a lame-ass white guy? What on earth is going on here?

2:42: That club looks seriously awesome though. Must. Swallow. Jealousy.

3:14: He really is just moonwalking all over that store front. Dayum

3:37: PLEASE JT, STOP DANCING YOUR AGE. My heart is breaking into little pieces watching you dance like my dad in your music video.

3:55: And the horns say... nothing, because they are inanimate objects.

4:27: So much booty-popping. I'm won over once more

4:45: But we have already watched you do that move, like, five times on that exact doorstep already.

4:54: That middle horn guy is cute. Horny for horns much?

5:07: Oh hay, Lady Liberty. I bet you like Timberlake too.

5:37: Finally, Justin is leaving that poor, used doorstep alone.

5:40: Everyone party! Jump on each other's backs and run away because Justin left! But actually... what?

5:55: FIN. Justin Timberlake, you are a god.