12 Things (Not?) to Say During Sex

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Have you ever fired off a witty one-liner during sex? If yes, I have great respect for you. It’s not easy to stay with whatever you’re doing and have the presence of mind for great zingers. Apparently, though, Reddit is full of people like this — or at least people who claim they’re like this — and they all came crawling out of the woodwork yesterday, thanks to an extremely specific AskReddit query. Someone by the name of Osoguineapig posed the question, “What is the best/funniest/most clever line to say during sex at orgasm?”, and, well... Spoiler alert: Pop culture references. Lots and lots of pop culture references.

Now, bear in mind that we have no proof that any of the people who suggested the lines have ever actually used them; as such, I would advise against deploying them with someone you’re getting frisky with for the first time or whom you don’t know terribly well. That said, though, I’m a firm believer in laughter being an important part of sex — so if you know for a fact that you and your partner share the same sense of humor, fire away. There’s nothing quite like a good chuckle to up the sexiness of a situation, right?

1. The Batman

Quick, Robin! To the Bat Orgasm!

2. The Optimus Prime

If Michael Bay is involved, there will probably be explosions… though I’ll leave you to figure out what kind.

3. The Gandalf

Are porn parodies popular because of the pop culture references people like to throw in during sex? Or are pop culture sex references popular because of porn parodies? In any event, whoever is capable of saying all of this while in the throes of passion should get some kind of award. Seriously. That's a mouthful. (No, not that kind of mouthful.)

4. The Steve Perry

Hold on to that feelin’.

5. The Caesar

For the classicists out there, a play on Julius Caesar's "I came, I saw, I conquered": "I saw, I conquered, I came."

6. The Raiden

And if you’re going for bonus points:

Multiple people suggested that one, by the way, so apparently it's a thing. Or something. Has anyone actually tried it? If yes, do report back — I'd love to know what the success rate is for it.

7. The Babe

I didn’t think anyone would be overly thrilled to be called a pig during sex, but maybe that’s just me…

8. The Brian Collins

Just be prepared for the following reaction:

9. The Bombs Away

A slightly more acceptable form of the Brian Collins.

10. The Final Fantasy

For the non-gamers out there, the "congratulations, you just won a fight!" music from the Final Fantasy series sounds like this:

11. The Clash of the Titans

Alternately referred to as “The Liam Neeson.”

12. The Honesty Policy

You. I like you.