The Worst Thing To Happen To Men's Swimwear (Ever)

Imagine the worst thing you could think of. Trader Joe's is out of cookie butter forever, Kim Kardashian ran for president (and won), and you're being forced to live out the rest of your days in a hot yoga class...all while you are allowed to wear nothing but Crocs. And listen to only Justin Bieber. Something like that. Then imagine something a million times worse than any of that. And then a million times worse than that. And then, maybe, you might have an idea of how horrifying the newest trend in men's swimwear is. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the most disturbing man thong (is there really any man thong that isn't disturbing?) in all the land.

Yes, it's real. It's for sale. Take it all in, guys.

The asymmetrical man thong has arrived, and let's all hope and pray that it is not here to stay. If you're wondering just how this thing works (I don't blame you if you're a little afraid to find out all the answers), the mechanism is quite simple. Basically, there is a pouch that holds all the man business and a covered wire keeps it in place while it's...tucked between the cheeks. Does that explain how all of that is still being covered/supported? Not really, no. But part of me really doesn't want to ask any more questions.

I guess why wear a full swimsuit when you can simply put your junk in a pouch and be on your merry way? Like a beachy mama kangaroo. Except you're a human. And a man. And you are wearing an asymmetrical thong. So in conclusion: there's really nothing positive going on here at all, guys.

However, if this does happen to be your thing, you can get your hands on one of these bad boys for a thrifty $9.90. What a steal. Here it is demonstrated IRL, in case you were doubting that anyone would ever wear this: