Jared Leto's Beard Is Still Intact Rendering Our Mourning Unnecessary

A few days ago—Tuesday, to be exact—Jared Leto posted a selfie on Instagram that struck fear in the hearts of Leto beard-lovers everywhere: In the photo, a beardless, mustachioed Leto stares directly into the camera lens with his beautiful eyes. I repeat: BEARDLESS. THE OSCAR WINNER'S PERFECT BEARD WAS GONE. AUUUUUUGHHHHH.

Oh hold up. Would you look at that? I was duped. All of us were duped. Wednesday, Leto attended Clear Channel Media and Entertainment: A Conversation with Benjamin Palmer + Jared Leto in Cannes, and both his long locks and facial hair were very much intact. WHEW.

So, what was that mustache pic all about? Apparently, it's an old photo. I see. But that's not all: The look miiiiight've been for a role. O RLY? There's been a lot of talk about who will play Dr. Strange in the upcoming Dr. Strange movie, and Leto's rumored to be on the short list. And I'll be a monkey's uncle! The titular character's facial hair looks a lot like Leto's selfie stache. Huh. Obviously, that pic only fueled the speculation.

Oh, that damn pic. That pic did a number on me. I'm so glad it's old. Of course he looks great with a clean-shaven jawline (I mean, duh. He's beyond handsome), but I'm extremely attached to his beard. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

If only there was a way to deal with this, I thought at the time. A multi-step guide to processing this loss.

And then it hit me: the Kübler-Ross model (aka the five stages of grief). AHA!

Processing The Beardless Leto Selfie via the Kübler-Ross Model


Nope. I don't believe it. The beardlessness must be an illusion.


WTF!??!?!? HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOUUUUU??????? BEEEEEAAAAAARD!!!!!!! [Kicks chair over]


I’ll give up dairy if you make the beard come back.


Leto shaved his beard and everything is terrible.


Hey. It’s just facial hair. It’s going to be okay. Hair grows back, duh. And hey, he’s a gorgeous human being, beard or no beard. I’m going to be o—WHAT? The pic is old? He didn’t actually shave his beard?


Wait, does this mean I have to give up dairy? Uh… I’m not giving up dairy. Sorry, I don’t know why I ever said that. Grief does things to people.

Whew, amirite? Whew, whew, whew.

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